time to think

Well, I have now been sat on a train for about 4 hours - and have had lots of time to think! On the train they have wifi (!) so I am using this opportunity to update my blog and keep you all up to speed.

Unfortunately, regarding the adoption, I have been given the run around by lots and lots of different people! I was warned that social services would be uncooperative - but didnt think they would go as far as giving me incorrect information and stopping me from taking necessary proceedures. So it turns out that I have to do a home-study or if I try to bring Nathanial back into the UK after 4 years - then I can put in prison and/or charged a very hefty fine! So, I am told that I need to do a home-study - however social services have informed me that they wont do one since I am leaving the country for 3-4 years. So where does that leave me? Nowhere good is the answer - I am just going to have to go to Uganda, and take things a day at a time. Try and sort things out with the British embassy in Kampala. At least for the time being I will apply for legal guardianship as soon as I can, and see if I can bring him back for the summer holidays and Christmas.
I am still awaiting information from a voluntary organisation - who have said that they will look into things for me.

I am still leaving in 3 weeks though!

I can't wait for the day that I get to hug my little boy again! I have a re-union image in my head - Nathanial and me run into each others arms and we hug and kiss and tears of joy are shed! Lol - thats a picture perfect re-union though! I know that things will not be so peachy - I am wondering whether Nathanial will recognise me at all and if he does how will he cope with the fact that I just left him for 6 months! So I am expecting some hostility or maybe he will give me the cold shoulder for a few days!

I think that I will wait a week or so before I take Nathanial out of the orphanage to come and live at home - it will give us time to get reacquainted - although I am slightly worried that when I say goodnight to him at the orphanage he may think that I am leaving him again for 6 months! In anycase I will see how he is when I get there and see how much he understands.

I cant wait to see Nathanial-Elliot again, to hug him, kiss him and to tell him that Mummy loves him!

I will be a first time Mum and I'm not expecting things to be rosy and happy all the time - I dont know much of Nathanials past and I dont know how much he remembers of it - but I am hoping that he will not be held captive to his past.

I have had 9 months 'pregnancy' period to think about everything that this involves, to think about raising a child - the only thing I know is that I will not be alone in this - God has trusted this little boy into my care and I know that He will be with me every step of the way.