Sunday, 30 March 2008

I'm only human...

I'm struggling to understand why God is asking me to give up everything and move to Uganda. I'm not struggling at all with the fact that He wants me to adopt Nathanial - that is fine - its all been sorted. Why does God want me to give up everything and move to a country that I'm not particualry fond of - I mean OK it was nice for 6 months but 3 years? It feels like Im going to go insane over there for that long. I just don't understand.

I know that God asks is to "give up everything you have to be my follower" (Luke 14v33) - I'm just finding it hard in this situation. I will of course still do it as I wish to be obedient to Him. I just can't see myself happy over there, I cant see myself striving, I cant see myself coping, I cant imagine not seeing my family and friends, and I can't imagine my family and friends not seeing Nathanial for so long. A good friend told me that I need to see it as the opportunity to spend quality time with Nathanial. I realise that I am selfishly thinking about myself in what God is asking me to do, and that I need to look towards His purposes and His desires for me and for Nathanial - and to just be content with that. I need to trust in Him that He will be my provider, my comfort, my strength, my friend, my tower, my refuge.

At the Cross
by Brenda Sydnor

I want to lay down at the foot of the cross,
and let your presence wash over me.
I want your knowledge and your wisdom.
So I can see things the way that you see.

I wish I could place my head in your lap,
and experience your perfect rest.
I want to give you all of my burdens,
knowing you'll work all things out for my best.

I want the unfathomable peace,
that only you can bring.
Take all of my pain, sorrows, and cares,
and let me hide in the shadow of your wings.


auntie katie said...

you are awesome. there is nothing in the whole world that feels like being with YOUR very own child, it is worth giving up anything in the world. i would give away all i have to be back with my girls right now! be encouraged that though it is hard to leave behind all you have, what is waiting for you is so much better. i am praying for you and your baby. see you in july, im sure!!

Anonymous said...

everything you're feeling is completely natural, isa... you shouldnt feel guilty or selfish. the important part is your heart and your obedience to God... he WILL take care of you during those 3 years and though it will be hard to be so far from your family and friends, you will have Nathaniel, and who knows how many other wonderful Ugandans to meet and love.
praying for you!