Nathanial-Elliots adoption story

be inspired....

2011-03-20T15:55:00.001Z

2011-02-27T16:53:00.002Z

We went to Birmingham last week to reapply for N's visa. Things are looking up! If he is granted the visa Nathanial will be able to stay here for upto 3 years, or they might just give him indefinate leave to remain, which means we could stay as long as we like! In either case a short-term return to Uganda seems possible in order to complete adoption procedures over there then return to UK.

Whatever happens I Thank you Lord that it is all in Your hands!!!

adoption update

2011-02-17T19:17:00.002Z

For those of you who know what is going on with the continual pursuit of Nathanial's adoption, well I got a phone call from the Home Office.

To make a long story short we were going to return to Uganda end of April 2010 to live so that I could pursue his adoption there, however middle of April Nathanial was rushed to hospital with organ failure. He was on hospital 3 weeks. So that delayed our return. I applied for leave to remain as his current visa had ran out, in the meantime he is able to legally remain in the UK. So that was in April 2010. So it is now February 2011, I got a phonecall saying that I was to fill out a new form and pay extra money since the application fees for his visa had gone up! I was none to impressed with this, and made that quite clear - why should I have to pay extra when I started this 10months ago?! Anyway, I don't qualify for a waiver in fees! So we really aren't moving forward at the moment in regards to Nathanial's adoption.

However, we can stay here until we hear back from the border agency.

I trust that all this will work out according to God's will and in his timing. I take comfort in that and I can find peace in that! I know that adopting Nathanial, is God's will for me and for Nathanial, so of course He will see us through that process no matter how long it takes and no matter how many hiccups we have along the way!

Thank you God!

Egypt

2011-02-13T19:48:00.002Z

Egypt is a country I hold dear to my heart, I have travelled there many times and I enjoyed every visit immensly. I also hold Arabs very dear to my heart and pray that they would see Jesus the way we Christians see Him and that they would receive Him as their personal saviour.

I was so pleased to hear about the latest developments in the news and hope that a better future would be forged for them. I have seen the poverty in Cairo first hand and it is shocking to say the least.

I will continue to pray for Egypt that the people would elect a leader who cares about them and not his own personal gain. That the leader of Egypt would be fair and just. That he will do all in his power to minimise poverty and to give Egyptains a positive future.
I pray that God would touch this nation and that He would shine His light on its people.

Here is a headline I heard today: "9 years in Afghanistan, 7 years in Iraq and we are still there trying to bring about "democracy" ... guess what, 2 and 1/2 weeks of protests in Egypt changed history. War is no solution. Congrats Egypt."

2011-02-12T18:09:00.006Z

As you may know Nathanial had cataract surgery in his left eye back in August. Before the operation his vision in his left eye was minimal, if he put his hand right up to his face he couldn't see it, so lets say that the vision in his left eye was not useful. However the vision in his right eye was perfect. We went back to the opthalmologist in November for check ups and to determine what his vision was post-op. The Dr was astounded how much his vision had improved! He will be able to drive however being a pilot for the airforce is off limits (which isn't necessarily a bad thing in this mother's heart!!).
Nathanial has been coming home a lot upset and distraught because the older boys and girls have been teasing him about his patch. This really upsets me as a mother, to know that my child is being ridiculed, teased and bullied. Nathanial is the sweetest boy, and would never seek out someone to hurt them or cause them upset. So, for him to come home very nurt about this upsets me.
After our most recent trip to the hospital for a check up, there was no improvement in his vision! He has been taking his patch off at school and hiding it and has broken his glasses, accidentally on purpose (!!!) a few times because of the way other children are treating him at school. I know how cruel children can be, and it's up to us to teach our children how they are going to react to that and what Jesus would want them to do. Nathanial knows that the best thing to do is to walk away and to report to an adult what is going on. Easier said than done! But he is being very brave and thanks to the new monkey patch he got from the hospital he is more than eager to wear his patch!
The latest report from the Dr suggests that although there has been no improvement as of late, there is still time for his eye to improve. He will need surgery in a few years to correct the squint. He will also never have binocular vision (where both eyes work together). Should a cataract occur in the right eye however - his left eye will still be functional.

I believe in a God of miracles though and he can give Nathanial monocular vision. I will continue to pray for that miracle. I will continue to pray for Nathanial's heart and that he would learn to react to the teasing in a way that pleases God and we will continue to pray for them that cause us pain and hurt.

Aren't these patches fun?!

2011-02-12T17:17:00.006Z

Well, it has been a long time since I last posted. Partly because I have been so busy working, and partly because I don't think that anyone reads my blog! Although, I really want to do it, so that Nathanial can look back on it and see what he got upto growing up!
We had a good Christmas. We didn't stay with the family as long as we usually do , but the time we did spend was enjoyable. We had a lot of snow before Christmas and Nathanial loved going on the sled for the first time and getting to ride it to school!
I have started working at a place called RNIB college. It is such a blessing to have a job that fits around Nathanial's school hours. So I get to drop him off at school everday, and most days I can pick him up from school, if I can't then I pick him up from the childminders. Nathanial really enjoys school, and is thriving there. He is very popular and sociable with the kids in his year and with the older kids.
Here are some photos from Christmas:

I bought Nathanial a toy kitchen for Christmas. He is absolutely obsessed with food (more on that later), but I was advised by someone who works with foster and adopted kids, that this would be the ideal present for him!

His Christmas bike! Which is a bit too big for him at the moment!
Beautiful Wales! (and beautiful Nathanial!)

1 year ago!

2010-11-05T07:43:00.000Z

It was one year ago today that we arrived in the UK for what was supposed to be a short visit. However, things turned out differently due to N's illness (thank God we were here when it happened!). Now, we just wait and see if they will allow me to adopt Nathanial here. It has been a great year of firsts for Nathanial and precious memories. Let's pray that we have many more years here to come! :D

Praise God!

2010-10-22T10:55:00.002+01:00

Nathanial had another operation on Thursday last week to remove the stitches in his eye and for the opthalmalogist to perform a check up on his eye. He had to be put under this time. Poor kid - he fought all the way to the operating room and it took 4 of us to hold him down with the mask on!! He has another appointment in 6 weeks then it should just be check ups every YEAR!!!!
The Drs were very pleased with the progress made and his vision his almost as good as new with his glasses on - which is amazing since he was very close to being blind!!!1 Praise God.

Things don't seem to be moving forward adoption wise. Waiting for somebody to forward something to someone else! Having asked multiple times it still hasnt been done!!! We are also waiting on a decision regarding Nathanial's status here and whether we will be able to stay here or not. I am trusting in God and know that this situation is in His hands, and we will go wherever He calls us to be. Quite frankly I don't mind having to go back to Uganda, I will do it with a happy heart. It would be nice to know however that we would be able to come back here if either one of us should become sick or if we need to return to the UK if someone here becomes sick.

So its just a waiting game at the moment.
Meanwhile we are having lots of fun here.
I took Nathanial to the park the other day and it took him about 5 mins to learn to ride his bike without stabilisers!!! He just needs to grasp stopping without throwing himself off the bike!!! :D

Nathanial is a school boy!

2010-09-27T10:22:00.009+01:00

Lots of things have been happening since I last posted!
The biggest thing is that Nathanial has started school. The first few weeks he went for just half a day and last week he started going full time. He really really loves it there. Although he is way ahead already academically, there are lots of other things that he needs to catch up on, for example just playing and being a kid! He has made lots of friends already
The other news is that I have a job! I have been job searching since we arrived in the UK almost a year ago, if I had got a job at that point, it would have meant putting Nathanial into childcare which would cost me most of my salary! Also I would probably not have been able to keep the job considering how ill Nathanial has been and how appointments we have had at LRI. Anyway, the week Nathanial starts school fulltime I get a job! God is good! We means that I was able to drop him off and pick him up from school. The job is school hours sort of and I get unpaid school holidays which is great. Just perfect!

Nathanials eye has shown great improvement and he only has to wear his patch after school.

SUMMER FUN:

2010-08-19T16:00:00.002+01:00

Nathanial's eyesight has improved SO much! He loves to read and look at books and it upset him that he was unable to do that, however he can now read and write once again. He is also on his second pair of glasses because of the improvement in his vision!
Praise God.

Nathanial has been a champion at wearing his patch. He wears it from when he wakes up to when he goes to bed and doesn't even attempt to take it off! He loves his glasses!
He has another check up tomorrow and I am looking forward to hearing more excellent progress reports.

Nathanial will start school in 2 weeks!!! This Mummy is happy and sad! My little boy is growing up!

the long awaited eye op to remove cataract and eventually hopeully restore all vision i N's left eye...

2010-07-30T18:52:00.004+01:00

just to let you all know how Nathanial's op went.

He was in the operating theatre for 3 hours - it was expected that it
would be 1 - 2 hrs. The surgeon wasn't sure whether they would be ableto put in a lens this time around, but they managed to! N was first on
the list, because they didn't want him fasting too long, since his
blood sugar levels may drop. They put him on a drip because they had
dropped too low. We were told that he would be out by the afternoon,
however they decided to keep him in overnight to monitor his blood
sugar levels.
N was a superstar throughout, of course the nurses and Drs had nothing
but good things to say about him, being so brave and cooperative.

They decided to put him to sleep using the mask over the face rather
than an injection. He was sat on my lap when they did it and he was
asleep within 10 secs, after some kicking and screaming :)

He woke up for a few brief moments then slept for another 3 hours!After that he was wide awake and ready to eat and drink.

He was very upset when I told him that we would have to spend the
night in hospital, and had a few melt-downs after that. He refused to
go to sleep for a long while.
I lay next to him and made-up a story (his favourite thing at the
moment) and he fell asleep within a few minutes.

Unfortunately he had to have his blood sugar levels monitored every 2 hours!

We went to see the Dr in the morning, and she explained that surgery
went well, and outlined a plan for the next 6 weeks or so. Lots ofthings that he cant do, and he must wear his patch as much as possible
and an eye-guard 4 at least the next week.

We had a scary moment, when he was looking at a book and he couldn't
read it or see the pictures, I wondered why because he was supposed to
have perfect vision in his right eye, but it seems to have regulated
itself today. His left eye has already started to turn in and the
consultant says that this is inevitable, but will be corrected once
his vision is better.

He will be prescribed glasses soon.
So all in all a successful op. & 1 brave and resilient little man!

thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Ill leave you with 3 photos of the little man...

2010-07-24T16:25:00.006+01:00

I’m going to attempt to put everything that happened on the 12th April 2010 into writing for posterity’s sake (not that I am likely to ever forget) and because I’m sure it will make me feel a bit better!

It has been almost 2 months since our lives were turned upside down!
It started with Nathanial vomiting at about midday a couple of times. As one knows after vomiting it is important to re-hydrate. So he drank plenty of water. At about 4pm he started having diarrhea, still taking himself to the toilet. It stopped after awhile, and he decided that he needed a nap. So I lay him down in the living room where I was in order to be able to keep an eye on him, he slept for a good hour and in between I woke him up encouraging him all the while to drink sips of water. He then woke up and requested to use the toilet again, so I helped him to the toilet. Still diarrhea. I brought him back to the living room and he promptly fell asleep again. I decided to put pull-ups on him just in case! Shortly after that he lost control and in the space of 15mins changed him 3 times. At this point I sat him up and helped him drink some water. It was then that he went all floppy and stopped responding. I called his name, clapped my hands in front of his face but there was no reaction. I called 999 immediately. The operator asked me lots of questions: “Is he breathing?”
“Yes.”
“Has he got a pulse?”
“Yes.”
The whole time I was urging Nathanial to talk to me, to look at me, to give me a sign that he was still aware. But nothing.
The rapid response unit came in 4 minutes (approx), at this point I presumed that it was the ambulance, but wondered why there was only one paramedic and not two. He quickly proceeded to check Nathanial over. Asking me lots of questions.
I continually pestered the paramedic, asking him what was wrong with Nathanial, why he wasn’t responding.
He replied quite frankly, “I don’t know, love.”
I asked him “Aren’t you the ambulance?!”
“No love, I’m the rapid response unit, the ambulance is on its way!”
My heart sank. To me it looked like nothing was happening and that he would get worse the longer we waited.
15 – 20 minutes later the ambulance came, and the rapid response unit guy said something like, we have to go now, he’s critical.
So I was ushered into the front of the ambulance in the passenger side and two paramedics got in the back with Nathanial. The ambulance went slowly at first as they tried to stabilise Nathanial and intubate him (I think) because he had stopped breathing! Then one of the paramedics shouted something to do with speeding up because he’s critical. I was sat in the front, looking back not wanting to take my eyes of my son. The paramedics were busy working on him and it just didn’t look good at all. I rang my friend whilst in the ambulance and she offered to meet us at the hospital. It was a long and agonising drive to A&E. Each time the ambulance driver honked his horn at cars to move out the way, was like a punch in the stomach – I pleaded with God, I prayed that the traffic would part like the Red Sea, I silently urged the driver to go faster, I wished we could just be there.
Once at A&E I jumped out the ambulance and ran round to be with my son. I didn’t really remember what happened after that I just remember seeing loads of people around Nathanial’s bed, attaching him to various machines. I remember thinking how small and fragile he looked lying there in that huge bed. Drs and nurses surrounded him, so many people talking. They ushered me to a chair, to take a sit. One nurse introduced herself to me, and said if I had any questions to ask her.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong with him?” I demanded, not really expecting an answer.
At one point someone said to me that Nathanial was critical and they were trying to get his heart working!
“His hearts not working?!” I shouted in utter disbelief.
It dawned on me at this point that I may experience the horror of losing my only child! That I may never be able to hold him again, to kiss his chubby little cheeks again. And then I sobbed. I sobbed and I sobbed. I had a sort of flashback of my life with Nathanial and didn’t want to experience the future without him. I cried out to God. I even found myself bargaining with God! “If you make him better, I’ll never get cross with him again!” (stupid thing to think or say I know, but at that point I was so desperate and not thinking straight!)
We were all asked to move away from the vicinity of Nathanial’s bed as the Dr’s did some x-rays. Quite frankly I was pleased to be able to stand up and pace!
I think it was at that point that my friend came. Oh wow, I was so glad to have someone with me. I was in such a state of shock, so confused, so angry (at who I don’t know!), so distraught that I wasn’t able to take much in of what the Dr’s were saying.
The Dr’s then informed us that Nathanial had a perforated bowel, from what they could see on the x-rays and that they were going to take him up to theatre to fix it. All the poison from his bowels was infecting the rest of his organs causing his body to shut down, that was their diagnosis at the time. They asked me to sign a form giving consent to a laparoscopy and any further operation once they had diagnosed the problem. I can’t explain to you how it felt to sign that form. The Dr going through all of this with me said that he would certainly die without this procedure, and there is a high risk of him dying during the procedure but they had to try. Never thought I would hear those words in all my life!
We were escorted up to a private room and the pediatric surgeon and anesthetist came to talk to me. The pediatric surgeon said that in all the 19 years of him being a Dr he had never seen a child this sick before. He told me to not expect Nathanial to survive either procedures and if he did survive it would be touch and go after that! He even said that he wasn’t a believer, but all we could do right now was to pray. It was an agonising two and half hour wait but the surgeon came back and told us that everything was OK when they opened Nathanial up and they couldn’t find a problem. He was still however in a critical condition. They told me that they were just finishing off in surgery and they would take him up to CICU. I went home that night, a decision which I still regret to this day, and obviously had very little sleep that night. I called CICU as much as I could to get an update on Nathanial. I feel so guilty that I left him that night all on his own, if his condition had got any worse I would never have been able to forgive myself for leaving him all on his own. The nurses reassured me that going home was the best idea, get some sleep and freshen up ready for the next day and the next weeks ahead.

Nathanial in CICU.

On 13th April this is what my facebook status read: Thankyou all for your prayers, encouragement and support. Nathanial is still in a critical condition, not breathing entirely on his own and his heart not functioning properly. However considering he was on the verge of death yesterday and was unlikey to survive, today is an amazing answer to all your prayers.
I woke up early on Tuesday morning having had about 1 hrs sleep. First thing I did was call the CICU to check up on Nathanial. They said that his condition was the same. I got ready to hospital. I tried to eat but could not stomach anything, even a yoghurt.
My Uncle, Auntie and cousin came to be with us that day. I couldn’t have coped without them. I wasn’t really taking in anything that the nurses and Drs said, I was still in shock and unable to focus and they ensured that I eat.

April 15ths facebook entry was: Nurses are hoping that Nathanial will come off the ventilator tomorrow pm! He has come a long way since Monday! Prayers still needed though - it will be a long road to full recovery. I think it was this day that my Dad came to be with us, it was great having him here. I remember this day because the Drs told me that by tomorrow evening Nathanial would be off the ventilator. I was looking forward to that moment all day. Then come evening the Drs that they would take him off the ventilator in the morning. So all day we waited and waited, I kept on hearing: “We will do it soon”, “A bit later”, “Not long now.” It must have been about 10pm on April the 16th after he had been weaned off most of drugs he had been put on, that the Drs and nurses took Nathanial off the ventilator. I felt so relieved that all the monitors were beeping the way they should and that all his vital signs appeared stable. Not long after coming off the ventilator Nathanial looked round and mouthed the words: “Mummy, Mummy.” I cannot describe to you how I felt that moment. “I’m here Nathanial. Mummy’s here.” I replied tears threatening to fall, and he smiled. Thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. The Drs told me to not expect Nathanial to survive. But here he was smiling and awake. I’ve never felt such joy in my life. His life was spared. This precious little boy was going to be OK.
All things went uphill from there. Nathanial was transferred from CICU to the surgical ward, and then endocrinology ward. Nathanial’s time on these two wards were spent having blood tests and blood sugar level tests every couple of hours or so. When Nathanial was first admitted into A&E his blood sugar levels were at 50mmol/l! The norm being between 4 and 8mmol/l. After coming off insulin. His blood sugar levels dropped to below the norm. The Drs did dozens of blood tests, trying to draw blood when his blood sugar levels had dropped but by the time they got the needle in his blood sugar levels had gone back up. Needless to say, countless tests were done, and they never seemed to work the first time either. I think the hardest thing for Nathanial was to not be able to eat. It must have been about 5 days that he was not allowed to eat because the Drs needed to makes sure that his stomach was working alright. I managed to talk the nurses into letting him have an ice lolly each day, and that was the highlight of the day for him! I was very careful not to eat around him and managed to sneak away to eat when he was sleeping or when other folk were there to visit.

Enjoying one of many ice lollies.

My 27th birthday was spent in hospital with Nathanial. I couldn’t have cared less really all that mattered to me that Nathanial was well. Here is my facebook entry from that day: n is bak2 his gud old self! we r stuck in hosp til diagnosis...best bday present ever is being w/ my little boy all beta. Some friends came and we celebrated by Nathanial’s bedside. I joked that Nathanial got more presents than me on that day!! We had a McDonalds and my friend made a great cake. In fact on that day we had 3 cakes in total. It was obviously too much so we shared them with the other people on the ward and with the Drs and nurses. I was hoping that the Drs and nurses would let me take Nathanial out for a couple of hours on that day but we had no such luck. Since his blood sugar levels were still so unstable they wanted him in close proximity. Understandable.

Birthday cake.

On the 26th we were transferred to a new ward. This ward was as busy as the other one. We were transferred to this ward mid-afternoon. I think this was the day that events over the previous 2 weeks got the better of me. I hadn’t been home in a long time. And hadn’t really had time to cry! I cried in A&E and that was it. I knew I had to be strong from that moment on for Nathanial, for us. Things were made worse that day, by the man and his kid in the bed next to us. He was the pushy in your face type of person, and that wouldn’t normally matter, but on this day it did. Then the teenager in the bed opposite us had about 7 teenage friends over to visit her and they were loud. I pulled the curtains closed around us, to get some privacy from all these people. The nurse came round and told me that we weren’t allowed to close the curtains because the nurses needed to be able to see the kids at all times. Everyone else had their curtains open and didn’t seem to mind. I couldn’t cope with all these people around, and didn’t feel comfortable sleeping when all these people could see me, especially the men. This wouldn’t normally bother me, but this night it did. I lay in my bed and cried! I felt so stupid that I was letting this bother me. The nurse came round and explained to me why the curtains couldn’t be closed. I told her that on the other ward we were allowed to close the curtains and that I just didn’t feel comfortable. She said that there was nothing that could be done unless we got ourselves a private room, but there was no guarantee of that. I told her that I was just upset about everything and the little things were getting to me today. That night I was sick, spent most of the night in and out of the toilets with vomiting and diarrhea. At first I thought it was just the stress of everything, but when it continued into the morning I knew I had picked up some kind of bug. One very rude nurse insisted that I go home, I told her that I was not going to leave Nathanial on his own, she didn’t seem to understand why not! In any case being sick got us a private room! God works in mysterious ways! For 4 days I was unable to keep anything down, even a tiny sip of water. Nathanial was lively and back to himself at this point and I was ill in bed and it was hard to get Nathanial to understand that! All I really needed was to sleep. It was also at this time that Drs had decided to fast Nathanial for 24hrs to see how low his blood sugar levels would drop and to try and draw blood when they had dropped. After a consultation with the ophthalmologist regarding Nathanial’s cataract we left concluding that they operation would still go ahead.
On April 28th in the evening Nathanial was discharged from the hospital. What a great day that was. There was still no diagnosis and the Drs declared him to be a medical mystery. We had lots of Drs wanting to write a medical journal about him though. The next few weeks were spent recovering physically from our time in hospital, it has taken some months to recover emotionally!
I bought a blood sugar level monitor to keep an eye on Nathanial’s blood sugar levels but haven’t really needed it. And when I have tested him his levels have been normal.
It was end of June when we finally got a diagnosis for Nathanial’s sickness. I am pleased to say that he is all better and that has been no lasting damage. He is a miraculous little boy and incredibly lucky to be alive. And his eye operation is scheduled to take place in one week!

Playing in hospital.

2010-07-16T09:43:00.008+01:00

2010-07-14T10:49:00.000+01:00

Hi All,

It has been a long time since I last updated my blog. I am currently in the process of recording in writing what happened on the 12 April and since then. It is taking a long time, and I need breaks in between as I still find it hard to 'go there' in any great detail.

I will give you a brief update anyway and post some pictures. Nathanial is doing great. He is happy! Growing! Always smiling! Huge changes have been made in his little heart and he has a great attitude towards everything. He is such a good reader. He has just started reading everything - signposts, instruction leaflets, pamphlets coming in through the post. He will be starting school in September!!! (provided we are still here in the UK). He is looking forward to it, although I don't think he realises he will be there 5 days a week!

Health wise he is doing fine now. And his eye op has now been scheduled for 29th July.

He has had lots more first experiences, first time on a boat (although it didn't go anywhere), first time on a motorised go-kart, first time on a quad bike - first for me too and something I have always wanted to do!, first picnic on the beach, first and hopefully last ride in an ambulance!

Nathanials 4th birthday

2010-02-25T09:03:00.002Z

Nathanial loved his 4th birthday. He got a cycle helmet, a special drinks bottle for Uganda and lots of toys.
He had a party at McDonalds with some of his friends and loved his train cake! It was a very special day.

What a blessed Mummy I am!

:)

sorry!

2010-01-28T10:25:00.003Z

Hi all. I have had good intentions about updating my blog with some news for a long time - but always seem to get distracted by other things!

I attempted to jazz up my blog a tad - but unfortunately it all went pear-shaped and have since lost the will! Unfortunately I cant get back to how it used to be!

Don't like the look of this blog? Me neither! I am in the process of changing it again!

latest photos

2010-01-18T14:12:00.008Z

latest and prayer request!

2009-11-18T11:20:00.004Z

We have been home about 2 weeks now! And sometimes I still cant quite believe it! It is so great to be home! Nathanial has met lots of new people. The library has been closed up until yesterday. So we went yesterday - and Nathanial was amazed at all the books for kids and very excited too! He has his very own library card! He is allowed to take out 24 books - we took 18 out yesterday!

He loves going to the park - and its something we do nearly on a daily basis. We have been on walks through the fields and the woods - and he enjoys that too. We visited the nursery I used to work at (and that I hope to work at whilst I am here), everyone was so surprised to see us!

Nathanials dentist visit went well - they estimated his age to be about 5.
I decided to take him to the opticians - might as well get it all done whilst we are here! Well - the opticians diagnosed him with congenital cataract in his left eye. Which pretty much means that he his more or less blind in that eye! He will need an operation within 6 months in order for him to be able to recover any vision in that eye. The question that remains is whether the NHS will do it for free - or whether we will need to do it privately! Praise the Lord that we were able to detect it before its too late.
It came as a big surprise to the optician - because normally babies are checked for this at birth and then operated immediately, so its 'rare' too see a kid with this in the UK!

Please pray with us that he can get the operation soon.

Thanks :D

photos from the last 6 months

2009-11-07T12:44:00.001Z

So sorry it has almost been 6 months since I lost posted!

2009-11-07T10:48:00.005Z

A request by several people has been made for me to update my blog! So here goes...

Where do I start?

The last 6 months have been a whirlwind of events, of excitement, of constant change, of challenges, of experiencing a deeper relationship with God, and of experiencing many many answers to prayer!

In my last post I think I mentioned applying for a work permit. Well I got the work permit back in record time, only having to go to Kampala two times. Praise God!
The reason I wanted it to be done asap was to apply for a visa to go to the UK for Christmas, to book a cheaper ticket way in advance.

If you remember in 2008 Nathanials first visa application was denied. In hindsight this was a blessing from God - and it is only recently that I have been able to see that. Nathanial would not have coped with the changes and we needed that extra time to be together and to bond even more.
I returned to the UK for Christmas Nathanial stayed with some friends and had a great time. I think that my time in the UK was just what I needed after the previous 6 months and it was a refreshing time for me.

You might also remember that I was worried about my financial situation after the school I worked out closed down.
Well God triply blessed me with three jobs! The Three jobs which have all been challenging in their own way - but which have equipped me with new skills, which have taken me out of my comfort zone and which have been great fun!
I love teaching! I love it when the kids I teach start reading! All the kids I teach are great - and they make this job fun and enjoyable. Half the fun in teaching is the kids!
Well the three jobs I have provide enough money to live in Uganda! God is so good! They are also flexible in regards to being a Mum, so when Nathanial is sick or I am sick - I can stay at home with Nathanial.

I sent Nathanial to school for a while - however there was too much pressure on him and me for "the Baby Class Mid-term exams" - 3 year olds dont need this kind of thing! I also wasn't happy about the way they teach - and the teacher criticised me for teaching Nathanial phonics instead of the alphabet!
In his 3 week holiday time - I worked on the phonic sounds and he learnt them - and then how to put them together to read and write words - all in 3 weeks! So needless to say I decided not to send him back to school. I teach him and he does his school work in the morning whilst I am working with the other children. He is learning so fast and he absolutely loves to learn, he reads everything he sees! It is great to see that he has such a love for learning!

In July we had to vacate the house we were staying in as the landlady wanted to "do it up" - she reckoned that she could get a lot more money for it - I'm not so sure about that - she certainly wouldn't get any mzungus taking the place without making it more secure! So anyway, I find a few lovely places to live - which would cost use up the salary from all 3 of my jobs! I found a fantastic little gem hidden away, it was lovely and the landlord was prepared to furnish it with anything - inc a microwave! Within a week of having to be out - I felt in my heart that I should not take this place, even though I no other options on where else to stay. He had been holding the house for us pending my decision. So, I called the landlord and told him we would not take the place - he said that that was fine since he has already rented it to someone else!
We had to be out by Sunday! I had an unbelievable sense of peace in my heart - one that surpasses all understanding!
A friend of mine had planned to return to Holland with her son for 3 months, she was looking for someone to stay in her place whilst she was gone. However someone else had their eyes on it already - and would let her know by Friday. Friday she called and announced that she wouldn't need the place. It was ours from August! Praise the Lord! We had somewhere from August for 3 months. Now we need somewhere for July. It was Wednesday now! Holly called me and told me that they just received Williams visa and that they would be leaving Sunday - they wanted us to stay in their house whilst they were away! It was a blessing for them as it would be Williams first time in the States - a blessing for us too! God is so good and so faithful. He always provides even if in the nick of time!

All this time from about July I had been trying to get a letter from the local court granting Nathanial permission to travel with me. It was a document that the British had told us we needed when we were denied the last time. After about 2 months of waiting - they decided to not issue it to us. They needed the high court to do it, since the high court granted me legal guardianship.
We spoke to the lawyer and he said he would take care of it, free of charge - (since it should have been on the first ruling).
We got that document back end of September.
We picked up the document and travelled to the visa section to apply for the visa the same day. I was confident that we would get the visa. It takes normally 15 working days to process the visa, it took our 18 working days! What an agonising wait to find out! By this time, we needed to yet again vacate the house we were staying in as we had been there 3 months and the lady who lives there was coming back from Holland. So the clock was ticking. Nathanial was aware of what was going on, and he was just as excited as I was. I always told him from the start that we would go to England if its God's will. I didn't want to tell him that we were definitely going - so as not to disappoint him. Unfortunately the visa was denied!
On one of the supporting letter submitted by my 'employer' the phone number was mistyped and so on that basis that they could not be contacted and verify my claims, they denied the visa. I wasn't too distraught about it, and decided there and then that I would reapply since an appeal can take anything from 9 - 12 months! We didn't have to wait 18 working days this time, just 7 working days and the visa was issued!!!!
That same day I looked for tickets on the internet. I had been looking for tickets since July - hoping that I would be able to book them well in advance so as to find something cheaper. Ideally I wanted to leave in October. A ticket for both of us was going to cost £1500 or more! And at that point we would have to find somewhere else to live, as the girl from Holland would be back. I had ruled out flying with BA a long time ago as their tickets were about £3000! So I was looking on-line and not finding anything cheaper than £1500, I checked on all the airlines I could think of! Then I felt I should look on BA! I typed in all the details and lo-and-behold I found a flight for £1000 - much cheaper than all the others! And it was too leave on Sunday! In 3 days! I double checked the price and then checked again and it was indeed that cheap! Wow! Isn't God great?! I booked it and paid for it straight away.
Then my sisters friend who was picking her up from London, said that she would pick us up too! So we didn't need to travel on a bus or pay for it!
So I am now writing to you from the UK!

The last 6 months haven been all about looking to God for everything and trusting in Him. I know with all my heart that adopting Nathanial was God's plan for me - from before even I was conceived! And He will never forsake us. He will always provide for us. His plan is perfect. And even if we didn't get to come home - He has blessed us so much! Being able to come home is a double blessing! What a gift!

Nathanial has been a superstar! With all this moving around - he has been great. Every new place we have moved to has been home, and he has relished all the new opportunities and taken everything in his stride. His behaviour has improved greatly, although some days are much better for him than others - but isn't that the case for all of us?!
It is such a pleasure to be able to watch this little boy grow and change. He tells me that Jesus us changing his heart - and I can definitely see that! He is changing mine too! I cannot imagine my life without this little boy - he is a gift from God!
Nathanial lost his first tooth a few months ago which would age him by 2 years!

We are so excited to be home - it feels like being in a dream! I am so pleased and so grateful and so blessed to have this opportunity to be at home in the UK with my son. I hope to be able to work whilst I am here - to be able to fund our continued stay in Uganda and to be able to continue teaching in the orphanage.

How great is our God! All the glory be to Him.

witness to a hideous crime

2009-05-04T06:47:00.002+01:00

On Friday on my way back from work I witnessed a scene, which will be forever imprinted on my mind.
A lady was being mercilessly beaten by a man. He beat her down onto the ground and then stamped on her head as she lay on the ground her face covered in blood. Her children were screaming and trying to pull this man of their injured mother they were no older than 4 years. There was a crowd of men, women and children all standing around cheering and egging the attacker on. People were laughing. It was much like a crowd at a football match supporting there favourite team. I shouted at my piki driver to stop so that I could go and help the woman but he refused. I returned to the scene with a friend 10 minutes later to help the woman but she had already left, it was almost like it had never happened. The crowds were gone and the victim, her children and the attacker were all gone.
I have seen people being beaten by a mob before. Normally it has always been a homeless person or a crazy person and there has always been a crowd of people egging the mob on, or even throwing stones to hit the victim. I have never witnessed a crowd helping, or doing anything other than cheering and looking quite thrilled!

2009-03-28T11:14:00.000Z

BLOG ENTRY 10TH March 2009

The job at the AIDS orphanage is going well. Some of my kids have started to read words. I am teaching them through Jolly Phonics. It is difficult for the kids because they are already familiar with the alphabet and say the letters but their names rather than there sounds. So I am almost having to retrain their instinct reactions.
Some of the kids however are really struggling. I decided that 3 of the kids need more one-to-one. We have been learning 6 sounds since 3 weeks, and these kids can’t even name one of them. I am hoping that making the letters with clay will help them.
I have spent the last week reading a book on dyslexia – it is very interesting and enlightening and suggests that it is caused by disorientation which they can cause without realising it. It more or less says that ‘curing’ dyslexia is about changing the minds eye to see what is really there rather than seeing what our imagination sees. It suggests that to help dyslexic kids read – that they associate a clay picture with the word (as well as the Davis Orientation Counselling Procedure). So if the child has trouble reading the word ‘sun’, then it is suggested that they make a sun out of clay – so that they can associate the word with the picture. There are approximately 200 trigger words which cause disorientation and for those it is difficult to associate the word with the picture – such as ‘the’. So reading this gave me the idea to help the kids who are struggling to make the letter sounds out of clay. This method can also be used for very young children and will help them learn the letters.

The kids I am teaching are great. They are so full of life, and fun. They are eager to learn. Although the job can be very challenging it is completely worth it.

The other night at the babies home there was a film and bonfire night. There was a family from Belgium travelling around the world in a truck for 3 years showing kids films! They had just begun in Africa where they were planning on being for a year, then South America for a year and Asia! The film was projected onto a canvas which was set-up and attached to the truck.
I overheard an interesting conversation between the father and one of his sons. The boy was complaining that he had already watched this film before and he wanted to watch another one. The father berated the son, telling him that he wasn’t the only child here and that all these other children had never seen this film and that’s why they were here – for the other children. The son didn’t sound too happy – but he was content to watch the film – again! It was only the beginning of their trip, so I can assume that he will have to watch the film at least a few more times, for the other kids. The film was good and Nathanial sat glued to the screen (from a safe distance) all the way through!

About a week ago there was the most spectacular storm with thunder and lightening – it was so loud. When it was windy – somehow 3 bats managed to fly or get blown into my bedroom – I am still not quite sure how! Needless to say I was not impressed! I swiftly exited my bedroom – or as swiftly as I could muster at 4’o clock in the morning! I asked our gardener if he could get rid of it, or kill it as soon as he walked in the gate. He told me he couldn’t find it, although as soon as the sun set the bats came out again! I presume that they have all gone now, or died stuck in a crevice! A few nights after that I walked into my bedroom only to see to mice running around in my bedroom! Again, I have no idea where they are! On top of the bats and mice there are rats living in the ceiling. They are so loud and sound absolutely huge! I only hope that they do not find a way into the house!
A few nights after I wrote this post, I discovered that the mouse had managed to nibble its way through 3 packets of biscuits and into the box of Nathanial’s oats. I borrowed my neighbours cat and hoped that she managed to kill it.

The weather has been so hot recently! I walk to work all the time, and it’s a complete killer. It wouldn’t be worth my while having a job and taking a piki to work! I feel very African walking for an hour in the hot sun although fortunately for me – thank You Jesus - I have the luxury of shoes! I draw much attention and ridicule when I walk to work, since I push Nathanial in the pushchair most of the way – and to people here that is ridiculous. It would be a long way for his little legs to walk that far and mostly it would take me an extra hour if he was on foot. I wonder if the Ugandans find it so ridiculous because they think that I am lazy. I mean after all they carry their kids round on their backs. But, well at least I leave behind me a path of much laughter and tears (from laughing so much!).
I often have a little trail of kids walking with me – it is fun too talk to them and interesting to learn more about their lives. Once the kids walked all the way to work with me, waited and then walked all the way back with me! I enjoyed the company and I genuinely loved not being harassed for money. It was rather strange that they didn’t ask me for money, but it endeared me to them even more. I left them each with a pencil – they were ecstatic!

Nathanial is growing! I have had to get rid of some of his clothes! Size 18 months are getting too small, and he is starting to fit into 2T – 3T. His feet are also growing, I have been to all the shoe shops I know of, but have been unable to find him a pair of open shoes that fit him. There are tons of trainers and closed shoes here – even snow shoes, but I want my kids feet to be able to breath in this stinking hot weather!

I took Nathanial swimming the other day. Amy took her two kids too, but they ended up spending most of the time just dipping their feet in the water so she took them home. Despite whining a lot Nathanial enjoyed himself. I am thinking of taking him for swimming lessons once a week for half an hour. I think he would really love it and at least it would get him doing some exercise.
Nathanial doesn’t really play when he’s outside – he’ll just stand there and tear a leaf into tiny pieces. He rarely moves an inch and can be in the same spot for hours! I have tried to encourage him to play and have showed him plenty of times what he can do – and have tried doing it with him. I hope that is something that will come along with time. I would buy him a bike or something, but when we were living at the school and they had one there he never used it, or just sat on it and stared into space!

I think Nathanial has an allergy to Corn. It would explain why the day after his birthday his eyes were nearly swollen shut and his face looked like a balloon! That was the only time he has had Posho whilst with me. He used to eat stuff like sweetcorn and things with a minimal amount of corn and that would cause his hands and feet to balloon. I have taken him off everything that contains corn for 2 weeks and the swelling disappeared.

I am going to have to go to Kampala on Friday to sort out a work permit! It will cost me 3 months wages to get a one year work permit! Probably plus a special pass or two! And goodness knows how many trips to Kampala it will take?!

I am getting a tad more adventurous with my cooking! The other day I made Ratouille – oh my goodness it was so nice even better than the ones you can buy in the tin!

UPDATE 28TH March

I had an interesting incident at the hairdressers the other day. I went to get my hair trimmed, I don’t like having a long ponytail when it is so hot. So I asked the guy in there if he did “Mzungu” haircuts, he said he did. I was a little sceptical at first but I then went on to explain using hand movements to reiterate what I was saying. I told him that first you wet it, then comb it down and snip off the ends, his exact response was “Yeah yeah”, the kind of ‘Yeah Yeah’ that teenagers use when they think they know everything! Anyway, so I showed him how much I wanted cutting off whilst my hair was still in a ponytail, before I knew what was happening he had already grabbed a pair of scissors and just snipped my ponytail off without even taking it down! So much for knowing what he was doing! Anyway, I walked out refusing to pay the guy who bodged up my hair. I had emergency reparations made to it later that afternoon. The first guy was charging 30p and the second guy was charging about £5, so I guess it is worth paying that much extra!

I went to Kampala 10 days ago to sort out my permit. I had all the documents that were specified on the official list. Of course, I was sent back needing two more ‘documents’. I returned a week later with all the extra documents that I needed plus the two extra ones. Again, I was sent back needing more!

The mouse that was in my bedroom has now made its way into the kitchen. I have had to buy containers to store all my food in, as it made its way into the porridge oats and the pasta and the biscuits. Nathanial was sitting in the living room the other day playing with his toys and I was reading a book when he exclaimed “Mummy, there’s a frog,” pointing in the direction of the kitchen. I went to investigate, hoping to catch it and put it back outside. What I saw was not a frog, it was either the mouse that had quadrupled in size since I first saw it, or it was a rat! I didn’t really get a good enough look at it. I discovered the hole where it comes through and will try and have the landlady fix it.

What a night!

2009-03-16T14:14:00.005Z

Last night (3am) I received the scariest phone call I have ever received! It went something like this..."Isabelle...the security guard next door says that there are men in your compound with guns!" I don't remember my initial reaction but it was probably something like "Oh" or "Pardon?"
Next door now houses a bunch of Americans working here. One of the guys was blowing a whistle and shouting "Hey get out of here". I rang my neighbour but her phone was on silent. So I shouted for her to wake up. I then had to go outside (yes outside!) to open the gate to let the security guards from next door into our compound and the dog. Just to reassure you, they made sure that there were no robbers on my side of the house, before I stepped out into the dark! (armed with my torch)
The guys next door wanted their guard to fire a shot into the air, but he refused, maybe to scared that they would fire back?
The guards then came into our compound and checked the area ensuring that the men had indeed left. They discovered a hole which had been made in the fence.
The guard kept on assuring me that the men had come to kill us! They said they will either rob you then kill you or kill you and then rob you - of course all of this would be followed by a "don't fear" speech "we are here"
Apparantly the company that the security guard next door works for had sent their mobile unit and one of the men was their 'inspector' - he stank of alcohol, and I made sure to move away from him when he unloaded (?) his shotgun!
I was told afterwards that it took the guards a lot before the men fled, they were shining torches on them, shouting, still they didn't leave. It took a security guard to come onto the compound and a dog before they left!

One of the security guys who stayed outside our compound then called me "Hey Madame, this is the second time you have been robbed?", "yes," I replied, "the second time", then he said "Oh Madame, you give me money for saving your life...". I ended up giving them enough to buy a coke and that was it. After all I was pretty sure they wouldnt leave me be until I did.
I will buy the two security guys from next door a coke each too.

We aren't sure about the motivation of the guys who came into our compound, I would like to say that they came just to rob us, but we aren't sure that was their only motive. Two other times I have been in a house during a robbery, the first time they only had a bow and arrow.

By the way, we are all well. I am a little tired, and I am pretty sure that I wont be sleeping much this week!

dressed in a Ugandan outfit

2009-03-15T12:25:00.003Z

2009-02-17T09:56:00.000Z

I have started working 6 hours a week in an AIDS orphanage, teaching some of the kids there how to read. The boys and one girl are great, for the most part they are eager to learn, enjoy colouring and games!
The boys age in range from about 7 to 13. Some of the older kids are in the equivalent of Reception Class. Kids with AIDS often don’t get sent to school because the families think that they will die anyway so there is no point. Also there is still a stigma surrounding AIDS so families would rather keep the kids at home. The boys can write their names and know the alphabet but can’t read, which goes to show the way they are being taught doesn’t work! If a child in school is behind then they get left behind, there is nobody to help them, nobody to encourage them. Sadly this is the case for a lot of children in school.
Some of the kids in the home have family but they were brought to the home because they can’t afford to look after them or they have too many other kids to take care of. Often the kids come malnourished and very sick. Although medication is free, the stigma surrounding AIDS means that some families wont go to the clinic for fear of being seen and recognised, and for those in the village the nearest clinic can be quite far away. A baby was brought to the home a couple of weeks ago. He is 2 years old and weighs a mere 5kg. Most of the people at the clinic presumed he was a new-born! In a few days he has put on ½ kg. He is doing well and he receiving all the medication, food and love that he needs.

I am going to make an appeal for this orphanage – they need clothes, school supplies (for the kids I am teaching), toys, books. They are also looking for a nurse or a med-student to be available for the kids and to teach the staff anything they may need to know.
Monetary donations are also welcome.

Contact me if you think you would like to help.

Nathanial's 3rd birthday photos

2009-02-11T07:14:00.010Z

I'm not very good at coming up with titles!

2009-01-22T10:48:00.004Z

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart recently about forgiveness. He reminded me how important it is to forgive others, notably through this song by Ian Smale but also from the Bible verse it corresponds to Luke 6 v 37:

For if you forgive me when they sin against you
Your heavenly Father will forgive you
But if you do not forgive men their sins
Your Father will not forgive your sins

Um pah pah um pah pah
Um pah pah um pah pah
Um pah pah pah um pah pah pah
Oi

I recently asked for forgiveness from someone who had already forgiven me, but still for all these years I held disappointment and bitterness towards myself about my behaviour. I have been able to forgive that person too, after all these years.
I think most importantly I have been able to forgive myself. I haven’t always been a good girl – lol – behaving how God wants us to – and more personally not following in God’s will for my life! Looking back I realise that I have done a lot of stupid things in my life that I am not at all proud of, and I often wonder what on earth possessed me to do such ‘silly’ things! Some of the things I have done felt to me like they were unforgiveable – this doesn’t mean that they were absolutely heinous crimes – it just means that I don’t find forgiving myself easy – but that is the reason Jesus came to Earth. Once again Ian Smale puts it so simply: (Kids songs are so simple – we can lean so much from them!)

Every time we confess our sins
He is faithful and just and forgives us
Jesus makes us clean inside
Jesus makes us clean inside
All the wrongs we could not hide
Have been made right when Jesus dies

You are kind and forgiving O Lord
Abounding in love to all who call

As far as the east is from the west
So far has he removed our sins from us

God has forgiven me and because of that I can forgive myself. I definitely feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off my shoulders – I feel lighter, and I feel much better for it. After all when Jesus was nailed to the cross and rose again it was to take our guilt and shame!

The weather has cooled down considerably these last few days – so much so – that I have been wearing a sweatshirt! It rained a little this morning. Nathanial loves the rain and every time it rains he says “I like the rain”. So I asked him today if he wanted to go out and play in the rain! He was very excited to do so! I kitted him out in his rain gear – I love the little one-piece waterproof rainsuit I found at the market – it cost 60p. What a bargain – in the UK something like that would cost between 20 and 30 quid, especially since it is a well known outdoors brand. He looked very cute in it! By the time he had it on – the rain had stopped, so he had fun splashing and jumping in the puddles.

Nathanial is back to his good old self! Yay! We just have the normal kid behaviour now! The usual not listening, disobeying and being cheeky. He is a sweet boy though, and when he says sorry I can tell that he genuinely means it. Toileting is back to normal! And he eats anything and everything and chats non-stop!

At mealtimes he always tells me that he likes something, he’ll say “I like it, Mmmm its yummy!” This particular day I had made curry, from a powder packet I bought with me from the UK called Bombay Potatoes – it wasn’t very good! I didn’t like it much. Nathanial took a mouthful and made a funny face or one of disgust – and said “Mmm Yummy!” Being a good sport he ate it all without one complaint. I asked him if he liked it and he said yes. So I told him that I hadn’t liked it! He said “Yucky” and made the same face!!! What a sweet boy!

We had a great ‘Christmas’ and Nathanial loved all of his presents! All hundreds of them! Thanks to everyone that brought him something!
He needed a little coaching to start with as the actual packet and paper were intriguing and exciting enough! Once he got the hang of it though there was no stopping him!
Although as I sit typing this at home, Nathanial has the Brio train track set out in front him, one of his Christmas presents, with some trains and seems to find the hair he has found on the floor more captivating and stimulating! Seriously, five minutes later and he is still playing with the hair!

What next?

2008-12-29T17:50:00.003Z

I have been out of work for 3 months now - I came to Uganda with some savings - not alot, needless to say that they are all gone now! I have had to dip into my loan, which I hate to have to do. Especially when I am going to be paying interest on it and have no income! Getting into debt is a vicious cycle that is so hard to break out of!

What does the future hold for me and Nathanial?

I know with all my heart that coming to Uganda and adopting Nathanial was God's plan for my life and for Nathanial's life and I believe it still is.
Things haven't been easy, and I am worried about money and not working.

This is God's plan and with that thought I should not have one single fear about the future, where money will come from and where we should go next or whether we should stay in Uganda.
I don't know. I really don't know what the immediate future holds. I just know my hope comes from the Lord and that he never forsakes us, ever.
I cast all my worries, all my fears, all my anxieties at the foot of the cross and I walk away. He carries our burdens, he takes care of our fears and worries. Sometimes it is not in the way that we hope and expect but he is always answers our prayers.

I love the footprints poem it reminds me that Jesus is with us through hardship even though we may feel alone he is besides us and he even carries us through the difficulties. He never forsakes us.

FOOTPRINTS by Mary Stevenson

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

its been a long time!

2008-12-12T20:48:00.005Z

It has been a long time since I wrote anything substantial on this blog, but the last 2 - 3 months have been an absolute nightmare!
I can't write on here exactly what happened (if you want to know all the details you can email me!).
Too make a very long story very short - the school I was working at has now closed down, and so I am seeking alternative employment - which is not an easy thing to find in this country at all.
Returning to the UK is not an option as a visa for Nathanial was denied, unless I can get a job somewhere and return for a few weeks for a holiday!
It is difficult to understand the things I have been through knowing that having Nathanial is I believe God's will for his life and my life, but maybe God is teaching me to trust in him more, not to worry and to also stay focused on him.
I have taken to reading my bible a lot more than I ever have, and no longer find it difficult to read (well maybe some parts still are), but God is giving me a better understanding of His word. I am also doing some fantastic bible studies.

Nathanial is doing well. He had a pretty bad regression after 'the thing' happened. I was feeding him formula for a while as he was refusing to eat solid food. He also went through a stage of pooing in his pants again. He also had some very unkind behaviour towards me and many of his actions were carried out in order to hurt me or to 'make me sad'.
I have to admit that I did struggle with his behaviour and found it difficult to not correct his behaviour. I read many good books and had lots of good advice, but its like something in my heart had to change, I am glad that it did! He was feeding off of my negative reactions to his negative behaviour and instead of ignoring that behaviour and/or punishing him for that behaviour I had to learn to just to pretend it never happened and carry on as normal. It sounds silly but now when I say no to or tell him that its not good behaviour what he did, instead of getting angry and smearing poo everywhere for example, he now cries, and when he does that is my cue to get him to talk about how he is feeling and why Mummy said he couldn't do something.
Nathanial hasn't done anything in a while to intentionally make me sad or cross and his behaviour is definitely improving. Yay!
Nathanial absolutely loves singing, so twice a day we sit down for 1/2 hour and have a singing session! (yes - I sing too! not in tune, but I don't think he cares!). He remembers songs that he last sang 4 months ago and he remembers the words to a song that he only sang once! I am going to start doing some fun learning activities with him - he already can count to 15. He is so intelligent - I need to stimulate his brain more - and that will also stop some of the mischevious behaviour!
He also went through a stage of scratching his face, chest and bottom! That has almost nearly stopped. Thank goodness, I wont have to nickname him scar face after all!

I am excited about what the future holds for Nathanial and I. I do really wish that our near future could be in the UK though!
God has a plan - an awesome plan, and he will never forsake us, so I need to continue trusting in God for money/a job and whatever else that we need!

Denied

2008-11-18T06:29:00.001Z

Unfortunately and very sadly - Nathanial's visa to the UK was denied! :(

latest news

2008-11-17T06:59:00.002Z

Found out that the UK visa place in Kampala has finished working throught the paperwork I submitted to get Nathanial a visiting visa home.
So tomorrow, I will leave bright and early and find out whether it has been approved or denied.

Even though the decision has already been made and the envelope sealed - we serve an awesome God and its not too late for another miracle!

2008-11-12T08:39:00.000Z

Praying for favour and God-speed!!!

had her sons passport in hand! :)

2008-11-05T09:47:00.002Z

On Tuesday we headed off to the capital city early to pick up Nathanials passport. I had to it in hand! It says as name : Nathanial Coad!
Amy - the foster co-ordinateur says its the fastest passport processing she has experienced! Isn't that great!

I then headed off to the UKVisa office to apply for a 6 month visting visa for Nathanial.
It will take 3 - 15 days to process - not 72 hours like I was told.
I am praying that they grant Nathanial a visa - and that we get to spend Christmas with family. I am very excited! But trying not to be too much, as I don't want to be disappointed!

Please pray for the person making this decision that they would show favour.

xx

what a fruitful day we had!

2008-10-31T09:37:00.002Z

Went to see the passport guy for the letter we need to go to immigration - he was there and gave his secretary permission to write the letter. She did - unfortunately he was in a meeting til 11.30 and so we had to hang around and wait for him to sign it.
We made it to immigration and all in all it took about 3 hours to process the passport. I will go and pick it up on Tuesday!!!

Things are moving forward! Please pray for the next step - I need wisdom and guidance about what I should do next - I think I know - but I obviously want to be sure!

Thanks for your prayers.

back again on Thursday

2008-10-27T11:39:00.003Z

I have the written ruling and court order in hand! The next step is getting a letter from the passport guy. His secretary told us that he would be in today. We got there and he was there but was heading off for a workshop - but told us to come back on Thursday.
Oh sure its not like it costs 80,000 UGSh everytime I have to go to Kampala with Nathanial!
Oh well!

ruling given

2008-10-22T10:28:00.002+01:00

The judge ruled favourably - I now have legal guardianship of Nathanial-Elliot!!!
And the written ruling all in the same day - an unheard of before! God is so good!

Next step for Monday - passport.

Thanks for your prayers!

Ruling

2008-10-18T11:20:00.002+01:00

Court date went well I think - at least that's what the lawyer seems to think.
Ruling for legal guardianship will take place on Wednesday 22nd October.

Keep praying!

Ill keep you posted!

2008-10-06T12:35:00.004+01:00

How is that Nathanial can poo in his nappy,get out of bed, take his PJ's and nappy off, wipe himself clean, find a clean nappy and put it on himself, then put his PJ's back on and get back in bed - all of this in the dark - and making as little noise as possible so Mummy next door cant hear....yet he can't get out of bed and go and sit on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took him to the doctor today and he has been diagnosed with Anemia - which results from the Kwashikor - which he is still recovering from. I am presuming that he has had Anemia for a long time. So now I am giving him Iron supplements and will try and feed him foods which contain lots of iron.

Court on Wednesday - have all docs so should go well.

court date news

2008-10-01T19:09:00.001+01:00

We left J at 5.30 in the morning. We arrived at the courthouse dead on 9am.
We were still waiting on paperwork to be completed in J, which would be brought to us as soon as completed.
My lawyer spoke to the judge and was going to try and get it the time rescheduled for the afternoon but the judge told us he would not be there in the afternoon and to come back in a week.

Apparantly, this judge has never dealt with a single person wanting to obtain legal guardianship - so I am the first lets hope that it's not an issue!

court date tommorow

2008-09-30T12:10:00.002+01:00

The one piece of paperwork that we definitely need for tomorrow we don't have. Today is now a public holiday (for Eid) and so nothing can be done today.

Tomorrow we have to be in court for 9am so no chance of getting it done before we head off to Kampala at 5.30am.
Unless the judge is willing to postpone our case til the afternoon there is not much that we can do.

Please pray that we would get the paperwork tomorrow and that the judge would have an understanding and patient heart.

apologies

2008-09-23T17:38:00.002+01:00

pologies for taking to so long to update me blog!
Things have been hectic and busy with school but now we are all calm, organised
and waiting for half-term!!!

The first day at teaching went well - I was very nervous and anxious but
everything on the day went fine. I started off with 5 kids and have now gone
up to 8 - it doesn't sound like a lot but when you also have to teach
your assistant about the Curruculum and how to teach it adds a lot of work. Especially
when my assistant doesnt understand that 10 is a number and not a letter!!

I have been 'promoted' or elected to be the new school co-ordinateur since H
leaves in 4 weeks. I am already at school about 11 hours a day working
I try and spend the afternoon with Nathanial after school and then work
once he is sleeping at about 7 or 7.30pm. So I will try and do
my co-ordinateur stuff in the evening when Nathanial has gone to bed and I can
use the school computer.
It will keep me busy and it pays extra so I said I would do it - and I suppose
it will look good on my CV!!

Nathanial has been displaying some very challeging behaviour the last month or so - and it
seems to get worse everyday!
He pees on the floor when standing in front of me and then denies doing it!
The other day he went into bedroom when I nipped out to get him a drink from the
school. He went through all my things, opened stuff, ate stuff and then of course he
denied doing it. Today he pooed his pants then hid behind the house, took them
off, through them into the bushes. Then I noticed he wasnt wearing any and asked him
where they were. I asked him why he pooed in his pants (since he knows to
ask to go) and he told me that he didn't poop in his pants.
The other day he refused to get dressed for school in the morning so I told him that he would have to go to
school without any shorts on. His teachers asked him why he wasnt dressed
- knowing that he refused - and he told his teacher that I refused to give him
clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly - Its like banging your head against the wall.

When I ask him a simple question like - why arent you listening or why did
you disobey me - he tells me that he doesnt want to talk or that he wants
to sleep or that he wants to eat!!!!

Anyone get any good advice I need it, and you can throw a prayer or two my way
I need patience and wisdom!!!!

Regarding the foster stuff - I am still waiting on a court date and possibly waiting for a document that needs to to perhaps get a court date - not 100% sure - but I am hoping we get assigned a date soon.

2008-09-18T18:56:00.001+01:00

If you are wondering y some of the posts have been edited of their content - I was told to edit my blog so I have done!

Will try and update my blog over the weekend - I have been so busy with school.

random

2008-09-05T19:14:00.002+01:00

On Monday sometime the King of Busoga died. Busoga is the region on which we live. I think he died from cancer and he was about 80. So now this coming Monday (the first day of the school year) has been declared a day of mourning - a national holiday. So no school Monday - we start Tuesday instead. Some (most) of the teachers are happy about this - I however feel like its just delaying the inevitable and quite frankly would like to get the first day back over and down with so I know that I am worrying and loosing sleep over nothing!
As we were in town many people flocked to the streets to watch the hearse make its way for burial. I didn't even know there was a King!

The weather here is getting a lot warmer - the sun was so bright this morning, but then it got a little cooler and then this evening it is quite cool. I still have a cold - I figure its allergies so I think I am will be taking allergy medicine on a daily basis now.

I have noticed that Nathanial treats Ugandans very differently to how he treats 'Mzungus'! He often goes upto a random Mzungu and holds there hand and calls them auntie or uncle! However with Ugandans he is shy and withdrawn! He also know that he can wrap Ugandans round his little finger, treat them very unkindly and speak very rudely to them. I think I know where he gets it from! - (and no it's not me!)
The last few days whilst Amy has been in Kampala Peace has been looking after her boys, I left Nathanial there to play - since I had so much work to do at school. The minute I walked back in there to pick him up I heard the way he spoke to her and the way he ignored her when she asked him not to do something. He would never dream of doing that with me or with any of my Mzungu friends - at least not to the extent he was doing it with her - and the way he talks to her sometimes - it shocks me!
He has two Ugandan ladies teaching him in nursery - and I hope he learns soon that he can't treat them that way, talk to them in that way or direspect them in that way - and I know that the main nursery teacher will certainly not let him get away with it and I glad for that.
Its quite a common thing actually for Ugandan kids and Mzungu kids whose families have Ugandans working for them to behave like this. Personally it shocks me and I hope that Nathanial will soon learn better and that I would be a good role model for him.

passport

2008-09-02T09:13:00.003+01:00

next step

2008-08-30T14:47:00.005+01:00

how did the day go you ask?

2008-08-27T17:05:00.003+01:00

latest

2008-08-26T14:36:00.001+01:00

got all papers signed and stamped - going to try and go to birth certificate office again tomorrow!! I am going to get the paperwork now and hope that all is in order.

Keep praying. God is good!!!

xxxx

2008-08-26T13:59:00.005+01:00

??????????????????????

2008-08-26T13:34:00.002+01:00

Thanks to the family that brought me these! Sorry I missed you by about 10 minutes!!!

WHO EVEN KNEW THAT M&M's CAME IN PACKETS THIS BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

trying not to sound like a broken record!!

2008-08-24T14:51:00.004+01:00

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-08-20T17:32:00.003+01:00

2008-08-19T16:32:00.002+01:00

nothing done today - so going back tomorrow - please pray that the day would not be wasted and that what's needed doing is done.

Praise the Lord - that I am not having to pay anything for tomorrows trip as I am hitching a ride with some others!

Ill will keep you posted on how it goes.

Blessings to you all

Isabelle and Nathanial
x

2008-08-17T14:05:00.004+01:00

Another wasted day in Kampala

2008-08-08T16:05:00.005+01:00

2008-08-06T15:19:00.001+01:00

what a mad day!

2008-08-02T08:05:00.006+01:00

what a mad day!

2008-08-02T08:05:00.001+01:00

30 July 2008

2008-07-30T15:45:00.003+01:00

All is well on this side of the world. The rainy season is starting - so its not too hot at the moment - which is nice - I even have to wear a sweatshirt in the mornings and evenings and a fleece at night.

Nathanial has grown in the last 4 days - and someone that hadn't seen him in a few week said he looked like a completely different child! So it's nice to know that his change in diet is paying off and that the worm medication is working.

Nathanial appears to be a very angelic and charming child on the outside - but he is so stubborn and is proving to be very disobedient! But he is learning and discovering that being obedient can be fun and rewarding! It's hard to have to be both loving and dish out discipline - but I know how important discipline is especially for kids like Nathanial who have had no discipline in at least the last year - and he's fighting it because he's old enough to understand that before he could manipulate people to get what he wanted, to scream and threw fits and be disobedient - and now he understands that he can't and he's not liking it!!! But, when he's my age he might be grateful and understand why it has to be done - or maybe at least when he has kids of his own!

He now has no more nightmares - or hasn't had any in a couple of nights. He normally sleeps through and will lay quietly in his bed - and not cry - when awake at 1am! and will soon drift off back to sleep! He has a cough and tries to milk it - forces himself to cough - so that I come and see if he is ok - that worked once - but never again! and you can tell when he's milking it!

I'm trying to encourage Nathanial to play more - at the babies home a lot of them don't really play they just spend all the time glued to a volunteers lap - and I think that's what he done most of the time. If Nathanial had is way he would be stuck to my lap 24/7! Obviously he starts nursery in September - so he will not be able to constantly sit on someone's knee all the time.

He has a little pouty face most of the time - I guess he's not really pouting or being mardy that's just the way his face is - I suppose he's much like his Mum! Who isn't pouting or being mardy (most of the time) that just how my face is!!

Nathanial eats just about everything that I give him - if he doesn't like something he will leave it till last - or eat it really slowly. Sometimes he will tell me he's done (and usually he's eaten the meat and left the veg), so I tell him that he will have to eat it tomorrow in that case for lunch. I don't like to make him eat it all because I am trying to teach him to tell me when he's full up - if I let him he would eat till he threw up! Yesterday at a friends house he ate a bowl of salad! But I guess he would because I told him when he had finished there was meat! At the babies home they dont encourage the kids to eat their veg and I know that Nathanial would pick all his veg out, so he would only eat the meat and starch - at least we don't have that problem at home anymore!

growing already!

2008-07-26T10:59:00.003+01:00

Nights are a lot better now - Nathanial only wakes up one or two times with screaming nightmares (as oppose to every hour). He is more easily consoled and will get back into bed (without needing Mummy to lie on!) and will fall asleep more easily.

I have given Nathanial one dose of worm medication (with another dose to follow in a week) and his belly is already looking considerably smaller! My friend Amy also thinks that he has grown - I have started marking on the wall his height and the date and I am excited to see him sprout!

Nathanial is a lot happier these last few days than he has been this past week. He woke up in a very good mood this morning and we spent time together singing and dancing! His favourite song is 'Alive' - Alive, alive my Jesus is alive. Alive for evermore - sing Hallelujah. He loves that song. I walked into the kitchen the other day and he was singing 'God is good to me'!

He is generally a good little boy and obedient but like all kids he tries to push it to see how far he can go - I hope he's learnt that he can't!

He's absolutely petrified of dogs! He screams whenever he sees one and runs away - which the dogs only see as a game so obviously they chase after him! I try not to make a big deal over his fear - if he sees a dog I don't immediately go and pick him up, I just hold his hand and let him know that it's ok. I mean what will happen when we can go home to the UK and half of my friends have dogs?! I suppose that because he's so small the dogs look enormous to him! They also have picked up on the fear of the Mamas at the baby home.

On Monday holiday club starts here at the school so we wont have free reign over the school, but at least we can still use the kitchen.

Today we went to the fisheries to see the crocodiles - I don't think Nathanial thought they were real because they weren't moving at all!

xx

for Nathanials Mamie - thanks for the T-shirt!

2008-07-23T11:21:00.001+01:00

Nathanials first night!

2008-07-21T07:35:00.003+01:00

Nathanial spent his first night at home yesterday! Finally the house is finished - just need to get another set of curtains and to wash the ones already there.

Nathanial I think has the flu - he has a fever, a runny nose and is coughing a lot.
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night - Nathanial woke up every hour or so having screaming nightmares. I know for sure that he hasn't been watching anything inappropriate as the kids here hardly watch TV and if they do it is something like Veggie Tales or Curious George. So I conclude that its something that he has experienced in his past. Something obviously not very nice! He spent half the night laid on top of me and then I managed to creep out of his bed back into mine. I was absolutely freezing last night - even though I was wearing a sweatshirt - Nathanial's side seems to be a lot warmer. Lets hope that tonight we both get a better nights sleep.

I have yet to figure out the how the cooker works and the shower. When staying at my friends house I had to boil hot water on the stove fill up a basin and use a yoghurt pot to wash, one night I also had to wash by candlelight! The other day we had no power and water.

I'm going to go into town now to get Nathanial some cough medicine, to get some food and milk and water.

Enjoy the photos!

photos

2008-07-21T07:08:00.012+01:00

what a little poser...

2008-07-15T09:08:00.003+01:00

If you are wondering why he is making a funny face, it's because he is saying 'cheese' for the camera!

Still not moved in!! surprise, surprise!! I am getting pretty fed-up now, the whole reason I left the UK 2 months before starting work was in order to spend those 2 months in my 'house' - (I'm going to nickname it 'the shed'!) They told me last week, to come and decide where I wanted a doorway to be knocked through, well it's not like the wall is long enough for it to matter where the doorway should go, and when I got there anyway they had started knocking it down already. So now I have to wait for them to finish painting it. So they said this Thursday or Friday - I'm
not getting my hopes up again.

Before I can start working on a passport for Nathanial or legal guardianship I have to get him a birth certificate. So yesterday I went with the social worker for the babies home to the police station to get some papers signed by the officers who saw Nathanial when he was first brought there. Then today we went to the Town Hall to get the first part of the birth certificate - they told us to come back tomorrow as the town clerk was in a meeting. Being at the police station was rather strange - its a very old and dilapidated building. The female police officers seemed very stern and I wouldn't want to get on their bad side! The walls were lined with old posters warning people against intragenerational sex, child labour, homosexuality, child abuse amongst other things. They are quite funny to look at as they have the most hilarious cartoons and slogans.

I looked at Nathanial's medical book yesterday where they document his weight. Since he first came he weighed 10.2 kg, in nearly one whole year his weight has gone down to 8.2 and at its highest 12.4 - which he currently is at the moment - so not a lot of growing.

He still eats like an orphan - never gets full - even if his belly looks like its going to pop! He stuffs food into his mouth barely chewing what he's eating! He used to throw a fit if he dropped so much as a grain of rice on the floor, and I obviously didn't let him pick it up and eat it - but he doesn't do that any more - thankfully! If he sees some food on the ground that has been there maybe a week - he will still try to pick it up and eat it! I am definitely going to have to get this kid de-wormed!! I also brought a years supply of kids chewable vitamins.

thats it for today

love and hugs from Mama Nathanial and Nathanial

AT LAST............some photos of the little squirt!!!

2008-07-11T11:31:00.008+01:00

10 July 08 - sorry still no photos - 4got card adapter in Loughborough!!

2008-07-09T12:59:00.000+01:00

Things with my house are coming along very slowly! We discussed the accommodation before I even left for Uganda, I agreed to go ahead and take it. So, when I arrived they told me that they were waiting to get furniture and to knock a doorway through because they wanted me to agree to take it – which I already had! So, now it seems that it will take them a long time to get furniture and to knock a doorway through – I told them the reason that I decided to come to Uganda 2 months before starting work was so that Nathanial and me could get settled into our new house and that we could ‘bond’ with each other again. I explained to them how difficult Nathanial is finding it in the evenings when we both have to go our separate ways – I don’t think they really understand! Welcome to Uganda – the country where they say things won’t take long but in actual fact they take forever!

I took Nathanial to his nursery class yesterday – he just clung on to me the whole time – another reason why I wanted him to settle with me first – before putting him in nursery! It didn’t help that everyone there called him baby! Even the nursery teacher called him baby – after I had told her his name several times. I must have taken Nathanial to the toilet about 5 times during the whole 1 ½ hours we were there – he still managed to wet himself twice! I sat in my new class for a while – which has now changed from Yr2 to Reception Class which I feel a lot happier about and more comfortable with! I will also be in charge of Early Years and expected to train up the Ugandan lady who is currently with the pre-schoolers!! Most of the kids I will be having don’t meet the expectations they should after leaving pre-school, for example recognising their name, their colours and their numbers and simple things like holding a pencil correctly! This is only because they haven’t worked on it in pre-school! So I am going to have my work cut out for me! They may also expect me to be joint school coordinator!

I have yet to determine how old Nathanial is – his language skills are quite good – although I would say not above 3 years. I guess it wont hurt him to be 3 in December, after all he is behind physically. All the trousers I brought for Nathanial are far too big around the waist – so he has to have a belt on which wraps around him 1 ½ times! However, wearing a belt isn’t useful when he is potty training.

I had my first stomach bug on Friday – I threw up in the night 3 times and had diarrhoea a lot more times! I was absolutely zonked come Saturday and did absolutely nothing all day – I went for a 5 minute walk in the garden – and then slept for 2 hours as it wore me out so much!
I also have this spotty rash on my right arm – very itchy – not sure what’s causing it though!

It is very quiet at the babies home, lots of the older kids have left and a few of the babies too. There are lots of new kids too though, mainly babies.

On Wednesday last week I went to Kampala to register at the British High Commission. We got there at 1.30pm, they close at 1. We explained to her that we had come 2 hours to be here, she didn’t care and sent us on our way. I am going to try and get a passport first for Nathanial before getting legal guardianship as I am told that that is the better way to do it. This also means two more trips to Kampala to get his birth certificate completed. The court cases are now being heard in Kampala as the local ones would always postpone them at the last minute, and for families travelling from far away it was very difficult. So the Kampala judges should be more efficient although we have one family who have now been waiting 2 weeks to hear on their ruling. It all varies from judge to judge and most of them are old and ailing.

Interesting anecdotes:

To get a birth certificate in Uganda it costs for a Ugandan child 5,000 shillings. For a foreign child it costs 80,000 Ushg!! That’s £22.50 more than a Ugandan!!! I’m sure that there are no legal documents certifying that – and if you asked for a receipt they would probably make excuses

2008-07-06T17:03:00.002+01:00

Firstly I must apologise for the lack of photos - I have taken some but I always forget to bring my memory cards! So one day soon I will get some posted - provided I remember!

I have enjoyed spending lots of time with Nathanial. On the compound next to Amy's used to be the Palm Tree - a guest house, but now its being occupied by some American soldiers training Ugandans up for peacekeeping, anyway they hosted a July 4th party there and that was good fun - you definitely can feel safe when there are 13 American military beefcakes living right next door.Today I took Nathanial to church, that was good and Nathanial sat very nicely the whole time.
Nathanial is still struggling every time I have to leave him at the babies home in the evenings. I always tell him before I go that I love him, that I will see him tomorrow, but he still struggles. He either clams up completely or he cries. Today, as I was sat doing internet and Nathanial had to go in and eat dinner, he stood by inside were he could see me and cried - I didn't want to go in and comfort him again because I think it would of made it worse having to say bye to him again - I'm not sure that that was the right thing to do or not. The sooner he comes in to live with me the better!

Tomorrow morning I am taking Nathanial to Kiira kids school for a couple of hours - for him to see what its like, and for me to get to know the kids I will be teaching.

REUNITED! :)

2008-07-01T14:27:00.003+01:00

Here I am writing from Uganda.

I am once again with my son!

Many of you have asked about our first reunion -- how it went --well, I don't know if you remember reading how I pictured our reunion to be - well I'm not going to lie to you - it was disappointing...Nathanial was sat on the porch eating his lunch with all the other children, I said 'hi' to him, hugged him, kissed him, told him I loved him, told him I missed him, he just carried on eating, merely glimpsing at me. He then went off to get changed and have a nap. I had to go to town, to get some stuff done, and so I returned to the babies home, after they had woken from their nap. I walked in through the gates, unable to find him, a volunteer came over with him in her arms. I took him from her, saying 'Nathanial, how are you?', 'I am fine.' he replied. We spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled together on the lawn. Obviously, I was expecting a little apprehension and distance, however I wasn't expecting it to last a mere few hours!

I am so excited to be with Nathanial again - I love this kid so much! I am excited to get my accommodation sorted, so we can move in asap.

Nathanial hasn't grown an inch I'm sure!! He still fits in 18months! So all the 2-3 years clothes I bought him are gigantic - at least I have enough clothes to last him a good few years. His language has come along in leaps and bounds - his English and Lugandan are really coming along well. He appears to be potty trained - although they have different concepts of potty trained over here! They just put them in pants when they are still too young to potty train let alone understand!! So, I'm going to have to work on that with him. He has lost some of his big belly - which leaves some excess skin! But with some de-worming pills and a good, balanced and nutritional diet he will soon be sorted.

Well, I will try and post pictures in a few days!!

I went to the school today - to visit my possible accommodation! It's pretty small - about the size of a bathroom! Although I will be able to fit two beds in there. I have the whole school available to use though - so it wont be too bad, plus its free! It means going outside to use the toilet - which I'm not overly thrilled about! I will hopefully move into the accommodation sometime next week - as they just need to knock a space through to make a doorway between the two rooms. I start work on September 8th I think - the school also runs a summer club - so I will take Nathanial there to get him used to it.

x

I'm leaving on a jet plane...dont know when I'll be back again!

2008-06-29T09:51:00.002+01:00

Does anyone know where the title of todays blog post comes from?
No prize if you guess correctly! sorry!

This is my last blog post from Loughborough, UK. Next time I post I will be in Uganda, and will hopefully have already see Nathanial. I arrive early morning - the drive down to the babies home takes between 2 1/2 hrs and 3 - on a good day!

I have nearly finished packing - just a few more things to squeeze in there. I have already had to get rid of some stuff to take out - because they wont fit - so unfortunately the pringles will have to stay here :(

Thankyou to everyone for all your support over these last few months - thanks to everyone for all your kind and generous donations. Please do keep in touch, and feel free to comment on my blog.

Love to all,

Isabelle

Last day at work!

2008-06-27T07:58:00.004+01:00

I'm one of those lucky people who has been able to have a job that they really enjoy doing - I know that not everyone enjoys doing what they do - but I am fortunate enough to have done. Some days were hard - especially at the beginning, and I really couldn't drag myself out of bed!
I've worked at Loughborough Campus nursery over 3 years now (I think), although I started there doing a placement for my childcare course. I was told that the nursery had a really good reputation, my friend was offered a job there, and I thought that there was no way that they would offer me a job! I was wrong of course - they did offer me a job, and that's where I have been ever since. It would be easy to leave if I didn't enjoy my job - and if the people weren't all so great.

I believe that God has a plan for each of our lives - and knowing that makes leaving easier. I have a peace in me as I leave this place - because I know that it is His plan for me. It was His plan for me to get a job at Loughborough Campus Nursery, to go to Uganda the first time for 3 weeks, then to be offered the opportunity to take 6 months from work to go back, then be there to see Nathanial arrive and to bond with him. All of these things in hindsight all fit together so well! Its not a coincidence - its Gods timely plan.

I will be sad. There are lots of things that I will miss: the people, the friendships I've made, the confidence I've gained, and of course the money!

I probably will blubber like a baby, but my heart is at peace.

10 days til I fly out to Uganda!

2008-06-19T22:05:00.004+01:00

feelings: excited, nervous, scared!!
mostly excited to see my baby again!!

most recent pics sent to me

He has authority

2008-06-15T21:50:00.003+01:00

I really felt today at the church meeting that God was telling me that He reigns in this whole adoption situation - this is His plan - He is in control

Someone also gave me a word that God is authority - He is the ultimate authority - not social services, not the government - God has authority over all of these and He has authority over Nathanials adoption. AMEN

THE LEARNING PAPER --get invovled in helping to educate young Ugandans

2008-06-13T21:54:00.002+01:00

visit: thelearningpaper.com excellent initiative

£3 provides a child with the Learning Paper for one year of schooling.

I did an assembly at St.Georges school - they are closely linked with the learning paper and have strong ties - they write some of the lessons...

I think this learning paper is excellent - it is written in both English and Lugandan.

I personally hope to get invovled with this project whilst I am teaching in Uganda.

Find out more about it - visit the website....

time to think

2008-06-05T22:32:00.005+01:00

Well, I have now been sat on a train for about 4 hours - and have had lots of time to think! On the train they have wifi (!) so I am using this opportunity to update my blog and keep you all up to speed.

Unfortunately, regarding the adoption, I have been given the run around by lots and lots of different people! I was warned that social services would be uncooperative - but didnt think they would go as far as giving me incorrect information and stopping me from taking necessary proceedures. So it turns out that I have to do a home-study or if I try to bring Nathanial back into the UK after 4 years - then I can put in prison and/or charged a very hefty fine! So, I am told that I need to do a home-study - however social services have informed me that they wont do one since I am leaving the country for 3-4 years. So where does that leave me? Nowhere good is the answer - I am just going to have to go to Uganda, and take things a day at a time. Try and sort things out with the British embassy in Kampala. At least for the time being I will apply for legal guardianship as soon as I can, and see if I can bring him back for the summer holidays and Christmas.
I am still awaiting information from a voluntary organisation - who have said that they will look into things for me.

I am still leaving in 3 weeks though!

I can't wait for the day that I get to hug my little boy again! I have a re-union image in my head - Nathanial and me run into each others arms and we hug and kiss and tears of joy are shed! Lol - thats a picture perfect re-union though! I know that things will not be so peachy - I am wondering whether Nathanial will recognise me at all and if he does how will he cope with the fact that I just left him for 6 months! So I am expecting some hostility or maybe he will give me the cold shoulder for a few days!

I think that I will wait a week or so before I take Nathanial out of the orphanage to come and live at home - it will give us time to get reacquainted - although I am slightly worried that when I say goodnight to him at the orphanage he may think that I am leaving him again for 6 months! In anycase I will see how he is when I get there and see how much he understands.

I cant wait to see Nathanial-Elliot again, to hug him, kiss him and to tell him that Mummy loves him!

I will be a first time Mum and I'm not expecting things to be rosy and happy all the time - I dont know much of Nathanials past and I dont know how much he remembers of it - but I am hoping that he will not be held captive to his past.

I have had 9 months 'pregnancy' period to think about everything that this involves, to think about raising a child - the only thing I know is that I will not be alone in this - God has trusted this little boy into my care and I know that He will be with me every step of the way.

4 weeks to go!!!

2008-05-29T17:10:00.002+01:00

...I could easily panic at the thought of only having 4 weeks left! Where have the past 5 months gone?!

Someone said to me the other day 'I couldn't just go to Africa and pick an orphan -- that's awful! I'd want to take them all home!' - obviously I would if I could!
- and as for 'picking' an orphan! - God choose Nathanial to be in my family long before he was even born - as was I choosen to be in my family long before I was born!

I am blessed that God wants me to be this little mans Mum. I didn't 'pick' him! God allowed us to have a special bond so that I would understand that I was to be his Mum. God 'picked' him for me and me for him. Although it's rather hard explaining that to a non-believer!!

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm crazy or stupid - but that's fine - I don't expect everyone to understand - I don't expect people to think that what I am doing is good - indeed I have had a few people tell me that it isnt!

Anyway, once again the adoption stuff has become extremely complication! Putting everything into jeopardy! However, I am still leaving the UK on the 29th June - not sure when Ill be back with Nathanial at this stage - even 4 years is looking like it will take a miracle!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare physically and emotionally to leave home! Its not going to be easy to say goodbye! I thinkg that hardest part wont be leaving the hardest part is not knowing - venturing into a world of uknowns and uncertainties!

leaving date....

2008-05-15T21:32:00.002+01:00

On Sunday 29th June, I will get to see my baby again!

2008-05-14T22:45:00.003+01:00

Ecclesiastes 3 v 9-12

"Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together.
If one falls down, the other can help him up.
But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no-one is there to help.
If two lie down together, they will be warm.
An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves;
a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break."

Word given to me at cellgroup tonight. I will be Nathanial's strength and he will be mine. Together we form a unit - a One - a family of three!
three strings to the rope - three memebers in the family. Jesus at the centre, Nathanial and me.

John 15 v 14-17

"If you do what I command you I will call you my friends.
No longer will you live in the servants quarters for I have called you to live in my Fathers house - to eat at my table, to spend time with the Father in me, to share in my suffering and joy.
Every knowledge and understanding that my Father has made known to me I now also share with you.
Just as I have chosen you to live in my Fathers house I also chose you to be a messenger of the Word, the steadfast word that will never end.
In doing what I command you my Father will honour your requests and pertitions if you ask these things in my name."

MY WORRIES.....

2008-05-13T17:47:00.005+01:00

I worry that I won't be able to provide for my son...
I worry that I won't be able to accomplish that what God is asking me to do...
I worry for my future and for my sons future...
I worry that some of my dreams will remain unaccomplished...
I worry that I won't be able to return to the UK with Nathanial for 4 years...
I worry that my son makes the same mistakes I made...
I worry that being me just is'nt good enough...
I worry that I won't change...
I worry about losing all my friends in the UK whilst I am away...
I worry that I wont be a good enough Mum for Nathanial...
I worry that what God is asking of me is too hard and that I will fail...
I worry that my son wont be able to protect himself from all the evil and sin in the world...(and that I wont be able to protect him)...

I sent a package to Amy, and included some sunglasses for Nathanial...

2008-05-07T19:07:00.003+01:00

Here he is....(needless to say the sunglasses didn't last very long!!)

Hanging out with his mates...

2008-05-01T18:20:00.004+01:00

Most of the kids I used to look after in Preschool before I left for Uganda in the summer of 07 have now gone to school and are in Reception Class. One of these kids - always very bright for her age - told her class during Show and Tell time about the fact that I had gone to 'Africa to set up a Preschool in an orphanage'. I was very impressed that someone so young could take something in like that and actually recount it to someone else! When my colleagues told the kids I was leaving - we told them in terms of - Isabelle is going to look after kids who have no Mummies and Daddies, and make them a nursery with lots of toys and fun things to learn, because they arent as fortunate as you all are and dont have lots of toys like here - that was how it was explained in a roundabout way - obviously not wanting to say too much and upsetting them!
So anyway, I agreed to go to the school and do a short presentation to the children about my time there, and what life in 'Africa'is like for many kids. I say 'Africa' because life isnt just like that in Africa - there are many places where kids are lacking the essentials including here in the UK. I also say 'Afica' because I dont want to give these kids the illusion that all of Africa is poor, starving, desolate and needy, because there are many places where people live in wealth and luxury - also its not just about how much you have, or how much you're worth. These people are happy people, they are content, sure they lack a lot of things but life is about more than that.

Anyway, I'm not really sure how to present this to the kids. Life in Uganda is often about poverty, death, AIDS, orphans, starvation, but I dont want them to think that that is what Africa is all about. In the media, all you really ever see about Africa is war, starvation, poverty, orphans, AIDS and thats what many people perceive Africa as being, and with this perception comes the need to 'fix' Africa, to make things better. Everyone thinks in terms of 'over there'. I don't want to scare these poor kids and give them the sense that they owe Africa anything. Its not their fault that there are 1,000,000 AIDS orphans in Uganda, nor is their fault that approximately 30,000 die each day due to poverty. However, I do firmly believe that we need to teach our kids from a young age how fortunate they are (without drilling it into them), and how they can make a difference in the world. When I was a kid I used to put aside some pocket money and put it into my barnados box, I used to do sponsored events (although I did a sponsored silence and no one sponsored me because they said I rarely ever spoke anyway - so it wasnt much of a challenge!), I really enjoyed doing these things, and I understood how fortunate I was to have the the things I took for granted! Although, I must add that I didnt behave like I understand those things during my teens!

I am thinking of helping them understand by explaining it to them through feelings.
for example, how would you feel if you had no Mummy or Daddy? or How would you feel if you had to walk to school without any shoes? etc

I don't know! and to think I'm going to be teaching Year 2!!!

Interesting thoughts on adoption!

2008-04-30T18:34:00.004+01:00

Adoption: The Heart of the Gospel
By John Piper February 10, 2007

Galatians 4:4-8

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. 8 Formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods.

Romans 8:14-17

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

The biblical foundation for the act of adopting children is primarily in the New Testament rather than the Old. There are only three adoptions in the Old Testament (Moses, Esther, and Genubath, 1 Kings 11:20). Israel is called God’s son (Exodus 4:22; Deuteronomy 14:1; 32:6; Jeremiah 31:9; Hosea 11:1) but not until the New Testament is this called adoption.
The Foundation of Adoption

The deepest and strongest foundation of adoption is located not in the act of humans adopting humans, but in God adopting humans. And this act is not part of his ordinary providence in the world; it is at the heart of the gospel. Galatians 4:4-5 is as central a gospel statement as there is: “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.” God did not have to use the concept of adoption to explain how he saved us, or even how we become part of his family. He could have stayed with the language of new birth so that all his children were described as children by nature only (John 1:12-13, “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”). But he chose to speak of us as adopted as well as being children by new birth. This is the most essential foundation of the practice of adoption.
Eight Similarities

What I would like to do is lay out eight similarities between what God did in adoption and what happens in a Christian adoption today. I pray that whether you have adopted, or are engaged in assisting adoptions, or are pondering an adoption, God will use these comparisons to heighten your confidence that God is graciously involved in our adoptions. He has done it himself. He knows what it costs. And he stands ready to support us all the way to the end.

1. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) costly.

When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. (Galatians 4:4-5)

To redeem means to obtain or to set free by paying a price. What was the price that God paid for our liberation and adoption? In the previous chapter, we heard the answer: “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree’” (Galatians 3:13). It cost God the price of his Son’s life.

There are huge costs in adopting children. Some are financial; some are emotional. There are costs in time and stress for the rest of your life. You never stop being a parent till you die. And the stresses of caring about adult children can be as great, or greater, than the stresses of caring for young children. There is something very deep and right about the embrace of this cost for the life of a child!

Few things bring me more satisfaction than seeing a culture of adoption flourish at Bethlehem. It means that our people are looking to their heavenly Father for their joy rather than rejecting the stress and cost of children in order to maximize their freedom and comforts. When people embrace the pain and joy of children rather than using abortion or birth control simply to keep children away, the worth of Christ shines more visibly. Adoption is as far as possible from the mindset that rejects children as an intrusion. Praise God for people ready to embrace the suffering—known and unknown. God’s cost to adopt us was infinitely greater than any cost we will endure in adopting and raising children.

2. Adoption did (for God) and does (for us) involve the legal status of the child.

When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” (Galatians 4:4-6)

There were legal realities God had to deal with. His own justice and law demanded that we be punished and excluded from his presence for our sins. Righteousness was required and punishment demanded. God had to satisfy his justice and his law in order to adopt sinners into his family. This he did by the life, death, and resurrection of his Son Jesus Christ.

This means that the status of being a son legally preceded the experience of the Spirit coming to give us the affections of sons. We are legally sons before we experience the joy of sonship. The object work of our salvation (two thousand years ago at Calvary) precedes and grounds the subjective experience of our salvation by the Spirit today.

So it is with our adopting children today: The legal transactions precede and under gird the growth of family feelings. If the legal red tape seems long and hard, keep in mind that this tape is not yet red with your blood, but Jesus satisfied all the legal demands precisely by shedding his blood.

3. Adoption was blessed and is blessed with God’s pouring out a Spirit of sonship.

Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” (Galatians 4:6)

You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. (Romans 8:15-16)

God does not leave us in the condition of aliens when he adopts us. He does not leave us with no feelings of acceptance and love. Rather, he pours his Spirit into our hearts to give us the experience of being embraced in the family. What is remarkable about these two texts is the term abba. It is an Aramaic word. Why then does Paul use it, transliterated, in these two letters written in Greek?

The answer is that it was the way Jesus spoke to his Father, in spite of the fact that virtually no one in Jewish culture referred to God with this endearing word abba. It stunned the disciples. They held onto it as a precious remnant of the very voice of Jesus in the language he spoke. In Mark 14:36, Jesus is in Gethsemane and prays, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Therefore, in adopting us, God give us the very Spirit of his Son and grants us to feel the affections of belonging to the very family of God.

In the mercy of God, in our families God works to awaken affections in adopted children for their parents that are far more than legal outcomes. They are deeply personal and spiritual bonds. Adopted children do not infer that they are our children by checking out the adoption papers. A spirit pervades our relationship that bears witness to this reality. Like the other children in the family, they all cry, “Daddy.”

Praise God that he give us both legal standing as his children and the very Spirit of his Son so that we find ourselves saying from a heart of deep conviction, “Abba, Father.”

4. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) marked by moral transformation through the Spirit.

All who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.” (Romans 8:14)

God does not leave his children without help to bear the moral image of the family. We may trust that his help will be there for our children as we bring them under the means of grace that God uses to awaken and transform his children.

5. Adoption brought us, and brings our children, the rights of being heirs of the Father.

Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. (Galatians 4:6-7)

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:16-17)

Notice that Galatians 4:7 says we are heirs “through God” and Romans 8:17 says we are heirs “of God.” In Galatians, the context is the promise of Abraham—through God, that is, by his sending his Son to redeem us, we are heirs with Abraham (even though many of us are Gentiles!) of his inheritance, namely the world (Romans 4:13). But in Romans 8:17, the context is that we, with Christ, are heirs of all that God has, namely, everything. “All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s” (1 Corinthians 3:21).

Just before we left for England on sabbatical, Noël and I went to a lawyer and updated our wills. All the boys are married, and Talitha is the only legal “dependent.” A lot had changed since the last time we made wills. This was a reminder to us that she will inherit like the sons. She is not in a lesser adoptive class. All inherit together. That is the way God did it. That is the way we do it.

6. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) seriously planned.

He chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1:4-6)

Adoption in God’s mind was not Plan B. He predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was not lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning.

In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth. God is able to make adoption and A+ plan in our lives.

7. Adoption was (for God) and often is now (for us) from very bad situations.

We . . . were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. (Ephesians 2:3)

God did not find us like an abandoned foundling bundled on the front step and irresistibly cute. He found us ugly and evil and rebellious. We were not attractive. We would not be easy children to deal with. And, what’s worse, God himself was angry with us. He hates sin and rebellion. We were then doubly “children of wrath.”

These are the ones God pursued in adoption. Therefore, all of God’s adoptions crossed a greater moral and cultural divide than any of our adoptions could. The distance between what we are, and what God is, is infinitely greater than any distance between us and a child we might adopt. God crossed the greatest cultural barrier to redeem and adopt us.

Consider too, that according to Romans 9:4, the people that God chose in the Old Testament, the Israelites, were adopted out of a terrible situation. “They are Israelites, and to them belong the adoption, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, and the promises.” But how was this adoption effected? Hosea 11:1, “When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son.” They were slaves in Egypt. But not only that, they were often also rebellious against God. “Our fathers, when they were in Egypt, did not consider your wondrous works; they did not remember the abundance of your steadfast love, but rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea” (Psalm 106:7).

Therefore, God went and took a son from Egypt who was both enslaved and rebellious. The pattern is set: adoptions do not just come from nice, healthy, safe, auspicious situations.

8. Adoption meant (for all Christans) and means (for Christian parents) that we suffer now and experience glory later.

The whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. (Romans 8:22-23)

This strikes us as strange. Aren’t we already adopted? Why does Paul say that we are “waiting for our adoption”? Yes, we are already adopted. When Christ died for us, the price was paid, and when we trust him, we are legally and permanently in the family. But God’s purpose for adoption is not to leave any of his children in a state of groaning and suffering. He raised Jesus from the dead with a new body, and he promises that part of our adoption will be a new resurrection body with no more disabilities and no more groaning. Therefore, what we wait for is the full experience of our adoption—the resurrection of our bodies.

There is much groaning in the path of adoption on the way to full salvation. But the outcome is glorious. It is worth it all. “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).

This is especially relevant for parents of children with disabilities. They know the “groaning” of this life. All of us have children with some sort of disability, and some of us will live to get very old and watch our children age and die before we do. Others will see their children struck down in war or by accident or disease. Others will care for a disabled child till one of them dies. All of this groaning is groaning in hope because we are adopted by God and destined for a resurrection and an eternal future of health and wholeness and joy. It will be worth it all.

Looking at family photo album with Auntie Ditte.

2008-04-29T08:41:00.001+01:00

2008-04-05T13:59:00.002+01:00

Cant remember where this is from in the Bible!

"Because I am your Father I want to give you good things. A shelter from the wind and rain, food to strengthen your body, a family to care for you and to share in these good things. Rest in me when life gets tough for in me you will find a peace that cannot be found anywhere else.
My desire is for you to be strong in faith but when you stumble I will catch you in my arms of love and forgive you your mistakes when you ask this of me.
As you spend time in my presence I will give you an understanding of the Word and joy to share this with others.
In times of trial I will give you the patience to perservere and in times of great trial I will never leave your side."

Jeremiah 29v11-13

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you," Says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"

I'm only human...

2008-03-30T18:24:00.009+01:00

I'm struggling to understand why God is asking me to give up everything and move to Uganda. I'm not struggling at all with the fact that He wants me to adopt Nathanial - that is fine - its all been sorted. Why does God want me to give up everything and move to a country that I'm not particualry fond of - I mean OK it was nice for 6 months but 3 years? It feels like Im going to go insane over there for that long. I just don't understand.

I know that God asks is to "give up everything you have to be my follower" (Luke 14v33) - I'm just finding it hard in this situation. I will of course still do it as I wish to be obedient to Him. I just can't see myself happy over there, I cant see myself striving, I cant see myself coping, I cant imagine not seeing my family and friends, and I can't imagine my family and friends not seeing Nathanial for so long. A good friend told me that I need to see it as the opportunity to spend quality time with Nathanial. I realise that I am selfishly thinking about myself in what God is asking me to do, and that I need to look towards His purposes and His desires for me and for Nathanial - and to just be content with that. I need to trust in Him that He will be my provider, my comfort, my strength, my friend, my tower, my refuge.

At the Cross
by Brenda Sydnor

I want to lay down at the foot of the cross,
and let your presence wash over me.
I want your knowledge and your wisdom.
So I can see things the way that you see.

I wish I could place my head in your lap,
and experience your perfect rest.
I want to give you all of my burdens,
knowing you'll work all things out for my best.

I want the unfathomable peace,
that only you can bring.
Take all of my pain, sorrows, and cares,
and let me hide in the shadow of your wings.

recent news

2008-03-29T18:37:00.007Z

Well - there is a way to do it! It invovles living in Uganda for upto 4 years! minimum 3 years! Oh dear! Nevermind, I'm just going to have to get used to the idea! As long as I can come back to the UK (it will have to be without Nathanial though) at least once in those years then it wont be so bad I suppose! I am trying to be optimistic!
I am still wondering how I will manage to stay sane living in Uganda for that long and being away from everything that I am so used to and enjoy.

There have been some changes at Amani again. More kids have left including Junior, Jimmy and Amberly. And I presume that more kids have come in.

in the meantime I am missing this little cheeky chappy so much! - photos courtesty of Amy.

Many other parents and kids are going through the motions of adoption at the moment and things are very close to being finalised.
Prayer points

Please pray for these parents as they race around Uganda trying to get papers signed and completed, passports processed and visas issued.
Please also pray for Katie who is suffering from Sickle Cell Anemia, her parents are in the process of finalising so she can return with her parents to her new home. She is often poorly and weak. Pray for good heatlh and strength for her.
That God will use these families in mighty ways to witness of His love and faithfullness - to the Ugandans they meet on a daily basis, to the judges and the officials.
Positive rulings for the families waiting to hear from the judge.

God is certainly working through Amani, the staff, the volunteers and the prospective parents in Uganda and he is proving his faithfullness and grace throughout these adoptions.

Nathanials huge stomach!

2008-03-15T10:40:00.000Z

A good and safe job....

2008-03-08T19:47:00.009Z

I have decided to be very organised this year (a first for me I must say!)and start throwing things away and packing things up ready for when I leave - the normal Isabelle would leave everything to the last minute - but since this is such a big move - I thought some planning ahead wouldn't hurt.

Anyway, I was looking through a folder with some school work and stumbled across this test essay, the question posed was: Would you personally be ready to give up "a good safe job for an uncertainty?2 Give your reasons. My response was:

Life is full of uncertainties! Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Leaving "a good safe job for an uncertainty" implies perhaps leaving behind one's native country, or one's hometown in order to start a new life somewhere else. Indeed, the essence of the American Dream is leaving behind everything that is dear and starting life from scratch, in hope of finding fortune. Yet, in this case one leaves behind a job where one is presumably well paid, where one feels comfortable amongst one's colleagues and with one's superiours. It also means compromising a good future within the same job and perhaps even putting an end to a future promotion or pay-rise. One must also run the risk of losing friends, and possibly never being able to settle down again.

Indeed the rejection of "a good safe job for an uncertainty" poses a number of serious problems and risks. The biggest aspect is perhaps having to give up a nice, comfortable life, for a life where one is unsure about where to live, how much one will be paid, how well one will settledown, or how long one will be employed or what one will do once it's over and where onw will go, and the possibility of returning home.

Personally I hope to be able, if the oppportunity arises, to leave everything behind in order to do something which corresponds to my dreams and my idea of happiness, and if I have thought long and hard about it, I can say without a moments hesitation that I would do it. I don't want to have to look back on my life with regret. If I had a good, safe well-paid job yet I was unhappy I would, without a doubt, leave everything behind for an uncertainty - in search of happiness.

I feel that I am leaving a good, safe job behind. I have been at my workplace for several years now and I feel very happy and comfortable there (apart from the odd day here and there!), and compared to many nurseries it is a fantastic place to work, where kids are well looked after and staff are appreciated and treated decently. I will be sad - very sad to leave. It's the first 'real' job that I have had, and I find it hard to believe that I will find another job as good as this one - where the staff are great, management is good, and where standards are very high and of course a job with 2 weeks off at Christmas! I will be sad to say goodbye to the many fantastic people I have met there, however I hope that I will remain in contact with them. Thanks to everyone there for their support, for their friendship and for putting up with me!

And of course, I hope that my next job in Uganda will be as good as this one!

I feel at unease about leaving my comfort zone - my happy little world will soon be in for a rollercoaster ride as I embark on this long and difficult journey! Indeed, I will be entering a new world, with many uncertainties and hardships. I will undoubtedly be lonely at times and wish that I could share the joyful and the sad times with my friends and family. I wish that my friends and family could have an input in Nathanials little life - that he could learn from them and realise how much he is loved and treasured and not just by me! Boy - I will be so excited to introduce him to family and friends and when that time comes we will treasure it all the more.
The wait will be long - but it will be all the more worthwhile!

2008-03-02T12:35:00.001Z

I really like the beginning of this clip - the main message I mean.

2008-02-22T19:19:00.001Z

a friend took this recently - isnt it gorgeous?!

update from this morning

2008-02-19T19:22:00.003Z

Spoke to the international duty manager at the social services I have to go through...:
-£5000 for an international homestudy!
-says it cant be completed for when I plan to leave the UK
-even if I could afford the homestudy or had the time to do it there's no saying whether I will be deemed fit enough to be a potential adopter
- HAVE to have a homestudy done in order to re-enter the UK witn Nathanial - regardless of whether I have full and final adoption in Uganda.

things aren't looking great!!

BUT I remember the things I read and wrote yesterday and I trust in Him!

I'M NOT LOSING HOPE! I'M NOT GIVING UP ON NATHANIAL-ELLIOT!

God's word for me on the night of 17th Feb

2008-02-18T21:31:00.003Z

I said a simple prayer: " Help me God to discover you and your will as I read my Bible."

Deutronomy 30

v4:"He may send you to the ends of the earth, but he will gather you and bring you back from there."

v9:"The Lord your God will make you successful in everything you do. You will have many children..."

v10-11:"But you must obey the Lord your God by keeping all his commands and rules that are written in this Book of the Teachings. You must return to the Lord your God with your whole being.This whole command I give you today is not hard for you; it is not beyond what you can do."

I know that there's a reason why I went to Uganda twice. I believe that God was leading me to Uganda - in order to lead me to Nathanial. Things don't just happen by accident - the choice I made wasn't random, I was being lead in the Holy Spirit to do God's will. Looking back to the first time I went to Uganda I never imagined that work would give me 6 months to return to Uganda at that very same orphanage - looking back to when all the plans were final for me to return to Uganda for 6 months I never imagined that I would be returning there one day to adopt! God works in mysterious ways - and although often we cant see a purpose in His plans - there always is one - it might not be obvious at first - you may have to wait a few days, weeks, months even years!

I am struggling to understand why God is sending me to Uganda for what seems like forever! However God is sending me to "the ends of the Earth" because he has an awesome plan for me and for Nathanial.
I am struggling to realise/understand how long I will have to be in Uganda - but I was also upset that it may be a very long time before I or my son set foot on British soil again, or before he meets his family and friends here that already love him! I feel strongly that I will be back in the UK before too long - and although right now that seems highly unrealistic and very optimistic - I am putting all my trust in Him and I believe that He will "bring me back from there".

God doesn't ask us to do anything that is too hard for us. It might seem to hard for us - but with Gods help "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (my favourite verse, don't know whereabouts it is in the bible though!)

2008-02-16T14:20:00.003Z

I cried for these families as I read their blogs, imagine the joy of newly adopted kids in your family when your spouse dies suddenly.
Keep these families in your prayers as the children come to terms with the loss of their parent and as the spouse grieves the death of her loved one.

http://lazydranch8.blogspot.com
and
http://cold-water-news.blogspot.com

kids say the darndest things!

2008-02-11T21:03:00.001Z

where things stand at the mo

2008-02-11T07:56:00.001Z

I guess that for now I am looking at doing a homestudy (which can cost anywhere between £3000 - £6000) plus I have to have a permament residence, which I dont. Even if I did have all those things there is no saying whether they would qualify me as a 'suitable' adoptive parent. How can I be expected to have a permanent residence and a job in the uk anyway if I am going to live in Uganda for 3 years?
Apparantly the homestudy is valid for 2 years, however the adoption in Uganda will take 3 years to finalise.
No-one is able to tell me whether I can bring Nathanial back to the UK on legal guardianship and finalise adoption in the UK. I don't mind having to live in Uganda for 3 years as long as I can come home on holiday preferably with my child. Can I bring Nathanial back to the UK as a holiday on legal guardianship? No-one knows.
If I leave the UK in July complete the adoption in 3 years and try to bring Nathanial back to the UK will I have put myself in an illegal position by not first going through the dfes? But in order to not put myself in an illegal position I would have to do a homestudy.
I could declare myself no longer habitually resident in the UK, but obviously that would mean seeking legal advice, would it also mean that I can no longer live in the UK?

NO-ONE SAID THIS WAS GOING TO BE EASY!!!

2008-02-11T07:34:00.000Z

I've not been in this process very long at all, I know people who have been waiting 2 years to bring their kids home, but I am struggling already.
I was hoping that by moving to Uganda to live things would be easier. I mean if I had to wait 2 years to get Nathanial he would be 4 or nearly 5 by that time - and that's an awful lot to miss out on! Whereas if I go and live in Uganda Nathanial will be able to come and live with me straight away.
So far no-one has been able to help me at all. Social services where I live have reffered me to another countys services because they don't deal with international adotions, so I wrote to them asking about homestudies, turns out that they dont do it for those living outside of their county - so I guess no one knows! I've tried talking to people in immigration they dont know, seems like my only option is to talk to an intercountry adoption specialist - who are by no means cheap! And obviously I dont qualify for legal aid - I guess if I had fifty million kids all with different dads - sat on my arse all day, smoked, drank, lived off benefits, lived in a council house, then yes - obviously I would get legal aid. Since, I've been back I've started to realise how unfair the system really is, the government is helping those (I'm being very general here, and I know that this isn't always the case) that aren't willing to help themselves. Ok, fair enough give them money - but give it to people who are trying to get out of the situation they are in. It's the people who earn enough money to survive on that don't get the help they need when they need it. To qualify for legal aid you have to be on some kind of benefit, but if a person who earns a minimum salary and isnt elligible for benfits, paying for a lawyer will then put them in debt. If you want a credit card or a loan you have to have debts in order to prove that you have previously paid owed money back.
What about the young girls in our society who have the mentality that having kids young is easy way to money. Well, I have to say that they aren't wrong - you do get a lot of money of you're under 16 or even under 18 - you get loads of benefits. Morally its very wrong - but the government are encouraging this kind of behaviour.

Anyway, I think thats enough ranting and raving from me!

2008-02-06T20:11:00.000Z

"TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." proverbs 3.5-6

stats

2008-02-03T17:10:00.000Z

Every 15 seconds another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa
Every year, 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone)
There are 143,000,000 orphans in the world today - 100 million of them living on the streets.
Without proper care roughly 30,000 children under the age of five die every day.

2008-02-02T19:03:00.000Z

"For many'of us life is defined essentially by our stuff. By the house we live in and by the car we drive. By the diploma we hang on the wall and the size of our bank account. But we weren't created so we could simply amass wealth and influence. We were created for something more. To live for something bigger than ourselves.

what does his name mean?

2008-01-28T21:23:00.000Z

NATHANIAL --> origin: Hebrew
meaning: Gift of God

ELLIOT --> origin: Hebrew
meaning: My God is the Lord
form of Elijah

MUKISA --> origin: Uganda
meaning: Grace has been given to me

2008-01-26T16:24:00.001Z

"The one thing, on which we can all agree, is that God is with the vulnerable and poor. God is in the slums and in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them. 6,500 Africans are still dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease, for lack of drugs we can buy at any drug store. This is not about charity, this is about Justice and Equality." --Bono

2008-01-24T20:15:00.000Z

How am I going to do this? Everything seems to be standing against me! I don't understand why people make it so hard to adopt kids from overseas. I understand that checks have to be made, that we don't want kids ending up in the wrong hands. I get all that, I really do...but at the same time, we are robbing so many kids of love, of security, of hope. These kids deserve better than what they are being offered. I mean our country seems to be letting in illegal immigrnats - without so much as batting an eye-lid, but when it comes to giving a kid a better life -they just seem unwilling to do it.

No-one seems to have any answers to my questions, no-one seems to want to help me...I guess I'm in this alone!
Do I have to do a home-study? No-one seems to know.
Can I bring Nathanial to England on holiday? No one seems to know.
What do I need to do in regards to immigration. NO-ONE KNOWS!!!!!!!

I guess I need to trust God more.
I know that because this is his plan for me and for Nathanial - that I need to trust in Him more - He knows the way - He knows what I need to do - He knows the answer to all my questions - I need to trust in Him more.

No-one said that this is going to be easy -God didn't say Isabelle I am going to make this a walk in the park for you, Gods will will be accomplished but in His way and in His time. I need to be patient and trusting. I need to look to Him for guidance, for reassurance, for peace. With that God will be my strength he will be the answer.